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Original poster

If you met your DP mid-30s and wanted children, how quickly did you have them?

102 replies

FreckledLeopard · 17/12/2014 12:04

Prompted slightly by another active thread and something I've been thinking about.

If you met your DP in your mid-thirties and knew you wanted children, did you marry and/or get pregnant more quickly than you otherwise would have done if you'd been younger? Did you feel like you really 'knew' your partner or were you taking a slight chance and hoping for the best?

I met DP nearly a year ago. We both want children. Time is ticking. It would have been wonderful if we'd met a few more years ago, but as it is, we're talking about TTC at the end of next year.

Has anyone done anything similar? Any regrets?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 17/12/2014 17:49

met (ex)dp age 29, had kids when i was 32, 35 and 37...now lone parent for many reasons... but don't regret the kids ... it wasn't my intention to be lone parent but that's how it turned out...wasn't to know or to be able to predict how p would turn out...except in hindsight......worse case you end up lone parent??

weegiemum · 17/12/2014 17:51

Dh and I have been together since Uni, had our dc at 29, 31 and 32. Which in the end was good because I went into the menopause at around 35 and was totally through it by just over 40.

For some people 40 isn't too late. For me, 35 might well have been too late.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 17/12/2014 17:54

dollyrocker I met mine through online dating, I did meet a lot of frogs though before him and was quite stringent in my pre-vetting and would only meet for drink or lunch on first date.

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 17/12/2014 18:08

I met DP online btw!

OP posts:
McFox · 17/12/2014 18:44

Dollyrocker, I met my DH through work, but over the phone - very Gavin & Stacey! Smile

CakeSnow · 17/12/2014 18:53

Within a year

coffeeslave · 17/12/2014 18:56

hereandtherex I appreciate your example but there's a big big difference between two people who start trying after 20 years together, and people who simply don't meet someone they want to have a family with until their mid-30s & beyond. Not everyone meets great partners in their teens & 20s.

(I realise that having kids with Mr Right Now in your 20s & then meeting Mr More Right in your 30s/40s is also a viable option, but not one everyone would choose)

coffeeslave · 17/12/2014 19:00

Dollyrocker OKCupid for me. I had been OD on various sites for years (from 2001 - 2011) and I think I dated every available man in London in that time Grin

By the time I met my bloke I think I'd answered 550 of the OKCupid questions. People might think it's a lot of effort to go through to meet someone, but I'd put just as much effort into getting a great job & buying a great house - why not put the work in for a great man Grin

ThreeBecameFour · 17/12/2014 19:09

Married DH at 33 after under 2 years together. DD came along when I was 36 after 3 years of trying and DS at 38. Fertility issues. I moved in with DH after 7 months. Married 10 months later. We moved pretty quick as we had been in relationships before that went nowhere. DH is 4 yrs older than me too.

ThreeBecameFour · 17/12/2014 19:13

I should add having kids puts a strain on any relationship especially a relationship that isn't v solid. We are having a wobble at the moment but I hope we will come out the other side. Fertility issues, babies who don't sleep = sleep deprivation, general life problems all can be magnified under any circumstances. I lover my DH but it has been tough at times moving so quickly. I didn't know him as well as I thought I did Wink

iamthenewgirl · 17/12/2014 19:17

Met DH at 35. Got married at 37.

No children six years later... Sad

TuttiFrutti · 17/12/2014 19:39

Any regrets? No, but I'm aware how incredibly lucky we were. I met dh at 35, married at 36, had ds at 37 and dd at 39. No problems conceiving both times, but I have friends the same age who went through agonies of IVF.

I would crack on, OP, and ttc now if you know it's what you want. It takes the average woman 6 months to conceive, and longer for the over 30s.

ihavenonameonhere · 17/12/2014 20:11

I have known my new dp for 12 years. He's the kind of guy my parents love and I hated when I was 21. Ie a nice guy who doesn't play games. He added me on fb 6 months ago and finally I said hello by pm and it went from there Grin

JohnFarleysRuskin · 17/12/2014 20:22

Met DH online dating at 36, ds at 38, dd at 39.

We knew what each other hoped for (ie. family) from the outset. We decided we wanted to be with each other very quickly. Fingers crossed, we're very happy.

ByTheSea · 17/12/2014 20:27

We met at 33 (both), married at 34, first baby at 35

croon979 · 17/12/2014 20:35

Met at 32, engaged at 33, married at 34, pregnant now at aged 35 - baby due in June 2015 :). When it's right, it's right.

TorchesTorches · 17/12/2014 21:09

Met DH at 35 married at 37, DD at 39 and DS at 40. We talked about whether we wanted kids after a year, but more theory...to see if we were both on the same page.

Xenadog · 17/12/2014 21:19

Met DP when I was 38 and a half. I moved into his house 14 months later which was just after I'd unknowingly (and without planning) conceived. We had our DD when I was 40 and a half. Glad it all happened as it did but neither of us had ever wanted children so it was surprising to say the least.

UmizoomiThis · 17/12/2014 22:42

goshhhhhh There is also no evidence that your starting age makes any differece.

That is an optimistic opinion on the internet backed by hope. And seriously scary, because there exist a mountain of scientific evidence and studies proving there is absolutely a difference in how fertile the female body as it ages.

NerdyBird · 17/12/2014 22:47

Met DP just before I turned 35, he was 38. We had the talk very early on and started TTC after a year. I got pregnant fairly quickly but had a miscarriage. Overall it took 11 months to concieve, and dd was born this year when I was 37.5 and DP nearly 41. It has changed our relationship and I still don't feel we are properly back to where we were. Hopefully when we can have some decent time to ourselves things will improve.
My DP has two other children and they live with us so we've always had to work things around the children. Before I met him I was trying very hard to accept that I might not have kids and even when we were TTC I was trying not to get my hopes up as I have PCOS. I think if you are mid/late 30s, have met 'the one' and both are in agreement that it would be as well to crack on with TTC.

steppeupunderthemisletoe · 17/12/2014 22:51

I met dh when I was 32. Married within a year, but waited for kids for a couple of years. dc1 born when I was 35.

my SIL met my brother at 35 and they married and had kids in 2 years

NanooCov · 17/12/2014 23:08

Got together when I was 32 and he was 33, though we'd known each other for a couple of years before that - mutual friends. Married when we were 35. I'm currently 37 (he's 38) and our first baby is due next Monday. We'd like a second. It took us 15 months to conceive this one. If we'd met when younger we'd probably still have kids at the same age but would have had more time just the two of us first I suppose.

Mrsgrumble · 17/12/2014 23:13

My dh just before turning 31 married just before turning 33
Took a year to conceive had dc 1 at 35 had dc2 recently (one year on)

I'm 36

dancingwitch · 17/12/2014 23:38

Met D

Alwaysinahurrynow · 18/12/2014 09:10

Met at 30 (DH almost 34), moved in 15 months later, married 29 months after meeting. DS1 born 10 months after that (me -33). DS2 born 3 months ago (me - 35).

I think we did want to start ttc as soon as we got married as we knew quite a few people on Ivf, clomid, had multiple miscarriages, but got pregnant both times within 2 months. Randomly it's the people who met later who seem to have have the least trouble getting pregnant, but agree that might not be reflective across a whole population.