Does anyone else find dating so wearing/difficult?

[vintagecrap]

I've online dated for a while but it seems to be getting worse and I feel like throwing in the towel.

In just a week, I have had :

someone I has been chatting to for two weeks and had a date lined up for Fri, pulled out. So disappointing.

I've had one where we chatted for a bit, he asked for my number and said he would phone to set something up. No phone call And vanished off the face of the earth.

I had one who messaged me saying he regretted not asking me out earlier in the year. I sent a reply. No further response.

One who I chatted with a few years back, again, said he really wanted to meet me. asked me if I wanted to make things interesting. I asked how and he said to go meet him now. I said I couldn't as I had no immediate babysitter but maybe we could another day. No response.

I've had one from real life who just kept saying how he kept imagining me naked.

and that's on top of all the weird messages.

I know in a way it's good. They are weeding themselves out. But it's so wearing. so time consuming, for what gain?

Yes, I've heard the "when you least expect it line over decades....
Agree sunny day I also know so many lovely single women & definitely not enough decent single men out there...sometimes I wonder if any (especially now I'm in my 50s)
vintage I am in awe of the effort you must have put in to generate those first dates :) I do despair that I'll never find anyone compatible....

I know it is easy for people to say someone will turn up when things are right but i really do think it is the case and you will meet the right person when you least expect it.

Until then its only small consolation that they are making it easy for you to see which ones of them are wankers, and the one who said "do you want to make things interesting, meet me now" just doesnt sit right with me and whatever he had in mind you were probably lucky you did have your DD at home without anyone to look after her.

My SIL had been through men at a stupid rate (over the 20 years i have known her) each one more of a wanker than the last until a couple of years ago when things were so bad my wife had to keep stopping me from driving 180 miles to were she lived to kick the shit out of him for what he was doing to her.

She was even using her weekends off work to come and help us at whichever showground we where trading at on a weekend just to get out of the house. One such time she went into a stall belonging to someone else we knew and after a bit of flirting and exchanging numbers that was it, they have been together since and married around 3 years now. Had there first DS earlier this year. Completely out of the blue and when she least expected to meet someone.

Someone will turn up, just dont loose hope completely

From these reports I think that dating sites should have a 3 strikes and you're out policy. So if a man or woman is an arsehole and 3 separate people report them, they should get booted.

OD is a drag. I've just had to block a guy after sending me a crude message out of the blue, this after a number of normal messages had been exchanged - his loss, wankerooo.

My tips are to - not spend too much time on there, just log on to check whos around, sort any messages (usually delete without reply for me I'm afraid as I seem to only get the ugly or dull ones!) Before anyone pounces, we all have our own version of who we find attractive and I don't go for what anyone would call conventionally good looking but I am sick to death of messages from guys who look like they are messaging from death effing row.

Don't message anyone for too long, if they are not asking you out after a few messages, ask them. That soon tells a lot. Even if they say yes there is no guarantee it will actually turn into a date but least you haven't wasted too much time. It's not real until you meet etc etc.

Speak on the phone - that can tell so much - either way.

Don't tell too much about yourself, it's easy to get very cosy and feel you know someone only to find they turn creepy and then you end up worrying they'll turn up at your local as you told them you pop there for the karaoke or whatever.

I personally don't feel I'll meet anyone special online having done it on and off for a while now. I've had more luck meeting guys in real life. New years resolution - get out more!

Love Comes Quickly

I've used OD on and off, although my ex I met elsewhere.

I'm back in the dating game and I must say OD is actually quite good, as I'm fairly busy but want to be back out there!

1. Keep the profile short and focussed. I think "attractive but realistic pictures and a few lines on the basics" works for me. Look to meet sooner rather than later. Don't call it a DATE its a coffee or drink meetup.

I find if you sign off a conversation early on with nice chatting to you, I have to be in bed soon, do text me on £"£$"*£$ if you ever fancy a coffee or a drink! then the ones who are realistic about meeting will respond well or arrange a time/day, the timewasters will just say "thanks" and want to keep on engaging online for hours with no promise of meeting?

2. Don't get carried away with cute pics or someone who looks great in the profile. Use your instincts. Some guys seemed a bit socially awkward but had fantastic job descriptions and good photos: I didn'r respond to them, why bother with someone with no social skills just to "get the prize"?

3. Unless you want a bunfight, just ignore, block any hassle/weird messages. Don't engage. EVERYONE gets those its no reflection on yourself.

4. Have a good knowledge of your town and some nice coffee shops, quiet bars, where you can go for a quick drink and get home easily.

5. Some tips on the guys who are timewasters and/or who just want sex (and there is nothing WRONG with mutually consensual casual sex but it's like they want the woman to do all of the work in terms of "come over and I'll be waiting on the doorstep to have sex" before even meeting .

Like "NewEra" said, they'll just fill your inbox with mindless drivel, but be a bit flaky about meeting.

They send fairly passive, generic one-liners and keep information about themselves to a minimum, its like they want to goad or test any women into offering more to "keep them interested"? I'm a feminist but that doesn't mean it's my job to do all the chasing and have to bowl someone over with my organising and seduction skills.

And they aren't actually that interested in appearing interesting? Just ease away from contact, they won't change their motives for anyone, it's not personal.

6. Don't think of it as a Finding The One process, just as a "lets go out and have a chat and meet new people" kind of thing. I haven't found anyone I'm taking terribly seriously in this round of dating but just enjoying the process, had some nice nights out and moments and conversations!

After years of dating I, and I'm sure many others, know thus stuff.

Doesn't make a jot of difference.

It's a minefield but I have no choice! Post divorce I have found it easier -maybe my baggage trims off lots of idiots
In the last 2 years I have met the following;

1. Lovely shy guy with masses in common with me politically/culturally. We had lots of platonic dates were in touch a lot but I didn't want to rip his clothes off and these things can't be forced. Ended after few weeks.

1. Quirky beard guy. Not my usual type but really funny and caring. We dated for 6 months until it mutually dissolved.

1. Dr narcissist. V senior health professional who sells himself as me geeky awkward bit is actually just self obsessed and horrid. We dated 4 months and it left me feeling. But....I took a chance on an online chat v soon and met up with...

1. Dp of 6 months. We have introduced kids and generally have a v happy supportive relationship.

But yy to recognising years old profiles pics. Sad eh

Pretty much. I've always kept my photos up to date, changing them very month or so. Blurb nice, cheerful and relaxed.
Not much more I can do than that.

Volunteering or saying yes to every invite is kind of put due to work/childcare/finances .... which are par of the course of being a lone parent.
I do go out, but it's always with friends in couples or work people who are mixed sex. .. and there isn't any talking to other people type situations.

It doesn't much matter anyway, it is how it is and it's been this way for a long while and I know there are lots in the same boat.

And its just so hard to even get to the date stage now, let alone further than that, and i think that's the bit that makes it so hard. I've noticed a distinct difference in dating at 30 and my early 30 ' s to now being over 35.

I haven't changed, my looks have hardly changed but yet it's a totally different ball game. .

Until this year I had been single for way too long (years), never really had a serious relationship () and was resigned to the fact that I would be alone forever...every New Year's Eve was spent wishing that next year I'd meet someone. I'm 38 so also felt time was running out for settling down/marrying/having children and I was beginning to wonder if I wasn't normal and it wasn't going to happen ever

I've been on every imaginable OD site over the years, both free and paid and have filtered through what feels like hundreds of 'interesting' people, met a few and got nowhere. Got talking to someone in Feb, finally met him in April and we've been in a relationship since...still doesn't feel real though.

It can and does happen, and as much as you may get sick of hearing this same old thing and not want to be preached to (trust me I had years of it) it does just take that one person...that one email.

It's exactly that that keeps you going though, isn't it.
That after getting sent another pic of a cock you didn't want, or an explict message you didn't want to read. Or abuse because you didn't reply or being vanished on after they asked you out. Or being stood up or sitting through a shit date only to be rejected again.

You pick yourself up and try again as it only takes one.

However, if this was a relationship with a friend or family member it would be called toxic. There is so much negativity than the hope of one day it turning good.... or even that odd one good date, isn't worth all the crap.

I've finally met someone after being on/off pof for 2 years! We been dating since august and just become exclusive. I've met many idiots and had lots of crap dates but things good with this one so does happen