I realise that I am in a pretty muddy situation and so is my mind at the moment so will try to make it sound as clear and logic as possible.
Background information: been with DH for over 10 years, married for 8.5 yrs, 1 DS aged 3.5 yrs. Had ups and downs in the marriage but it got really cold since the birth of DS for various reasons e.g. my resentment towards zero help from him with baby and housework, him getting completely off me sexually after witnessing childbirth which added more resentment from my side.
Fast forward to this summer. Found out he had been having an affair (while refusing sex with me for years) for almost a year. He said it was a mistake and wanted to work on our marriage. Being such a fool and desperate to keep the family whole, I agreed. Fast forward another 5 months, discovered he had remained contacts with OW, of course including sexual contacts. Plus, he had been withdrawing money from credit card to pay OW's rent, deposit, hotel stay between moving places etc.
He kept minimising even after the second round of discovery and at the same time pleaded for another chance. One lie after another. Eventually he accepted that we are done and managed to have some reasonable conversations about separation agreement. He said he would move out at the end of January although refusing to give me the proof of his confirmation with renting agency. So basically that's what has been going on within my marriage in a nutshell.
On the other hand, once we decided and agreed with parting our ways, I registered on an online dating website, kind of testing the water I guess. I put my current status 'separation under one roof' in my profile and asked only people who understand and accept it get in touch. Amongst those who got in touch, I particularly liked one and have been seeing him for a few weeks now. It has been amazing. Without making the post even longer with details, I like him and at times genuinely feel proud of being with him.
So now come to my questions and all advices are welcome -
- Should I go straight to divorce rather than agreeing on separation first suggested by STBXH?
- Should I have waited till everything is sorted and I have had some time alone before entering the dating scene? I read that people normally suggest 6 months, 1 year or more if needed before moving onto new relationships - is it unwise to start new relationships sooner or more precisely, under my current circumstances?
- I know it is super early days with this person I am seeing but I wanted to make sure we were not wasting each other's time or investing too much emotionally for something not viable. So I asked him about his future plans. He is in his mid thirties, never married, no kids. He said he always wanted to get married and have kids e.g. two. My question about this is: given everything goes as smoothly as possible, by the time I get everything finally sorted in terms of my separation/divorce, it won't be practical, let alone ideal, for me (aged 41) to be with someone who wants kids, right?
He did say there are things you can't always predict. even if he was with someone in their 20s, there may still be the possibility of not having kids for various reasons. But for me, if it is not practically viable, I'd rather end it now than going through the agony later on hence wanting to ask for advice.
Thanks to all in advance. x