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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is that it then?

6 replies

Heynowheynow · 15/12/2014 21:03

DH last night said things I don't think I can ever forgive. Really, really hurtful - criticising me as a mother and as a human being.

We had been arguing sparked off by tiredness and frustration of two poorly children that don't sleep great.

I don't feel like I can forgive him for the comments.

He's said sorry but I don't think they can be taken back.

It's made me feel totally different about him.

OP posts:
CogitOIOIO · 15/12/2014 21:07

I think you have to tell your husband that sorry doesn't cut it, and that his attitude has made you question the whole relationship. ... which is true. Then take your time to think about how you feel and what you want to do.

Original poster
Heynowheynow · 15/12/2014 21:10

That's basically what I've said. He's happily playing computer games downstairs thinking life just goes on and I'm stubbornly continuing an argument.

I can't forgive.

OP posts:
CogitOIOIO · 15/12/2014 21:14

If he's not taking you seriously or making a big effort to make amends then that adds injury to insult. How about telling him to leave for a few days?

Original poster
Heynowheynow · 15/12/2014 21:24

Asking him to leave sounds like I'm bothered but do you know what? I'm bored of it all. I'm disgusted that he thinks of me in the way he let out last night but I don't want to argue or make a point and have him begging me for forgiveness.

It's just changed things in an irrevocable way as deep down I know that's what his true thoughts are about the woman he's supposed to love.

He hates me. His words were not designed to hurt me, it was as if he'd just let the truth about how he really feels.

I feel unloved by the one person I thought did love me.

OP posts:
nrv0us · 15/12/2014 21:58

Oof -- sounds like it's not just what he said but how he said it. Does he have any idea how badly he overstepped the line? Id this unusual from him? Sounds like it's happened before.

Handywoman · 15/12/2014 22:10

That's awful, so sorry Thanks

Similar thing happened in my marriage. Verbal abuse. Not just the content but the contempt and hatred. He crossed a line.

I gave an ultimatum (sort your anger or go). He papered over the cracks for a while but it was futile. He hated(s) me.

In the end I left him. Really sorry his has happened. Thanks

Any way you can get some thinking time away from him?

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