Stalking me here....and hacked into my FB account

[wavesandsmiles]

I'm so sad. I thought that such a long time after he used to stalk me here he'd have given up, but no. He is stalking me here again and last night somehow got into my FB account and changed my password so I am now without FB for 24 hours whilst they "monitor" my account from a security perspective. This also means I can't play scrabble which is my down time me time between being a single mum to three, a full time job, looking after lodgers etc. The scrabble is such a trivial little thing but has made me so cross! I am shaking my head in disbelief.

He's my ex. We are divorced. He lives in his own place. We (I?) do have some attraction that keeps drawing us (me?) sort of back together, but now he has done this and it feels like nowhere is safe anymore. I have to give up any form of online support.

I went through utter hell in my relationship and break up from him. Feels like I will never be free, that I cannot ever confide in anyone again.

I just needed to vent. Maybe for someone to say that I am blowing things out of proportion, that he is my EX, that it doesn't matter because he is not part of my life anymore (apart from ongoing access with our DS).

But this isn't normal is it? To track down your ex wife and hunt out her posts here, and to then hack into her FB account? And today he says he loves me so much, that we will be back together.

I'm so tired. Life is so busy and I have no one to talk to in RL. So here, and a few private groups on FB were my only retreat. And it feels now like it's all gone.

waves - I've just seen this. Please try to remember how much happier you were when you were NC with your ex, it seems to be the only way you can get an element of control over your life. As others have said, he doesn't respect normal boundaries so put some pretty impregnable ones in place that he won't be able to cross - yes to new passwords, emails and even a new phone if need be. If he persists, I think you should consider police intervention. Look after yourself, lovely lady.

It is really helpful especially to see "familiar names". I've set up new email etc now, so hoping I can keep a low profile.

I hate him. And I hate myself for being so flipping stupid and weak when it comes to him

I haven't seen all your threads to please forgive my not knowing the back story - I'm just confused as to why you would go back to someone you are divorced from, who is clearly an arch cunt? What is there in it for you but further aggro?

Cant imagine how you feel, I would be anxious and angry if it was me. Hope you have family to support you and keep you sane.

Sorry hear about ex. You can set up 2 factor authentication on your Facebook account so any login attempt sends you a text message with a number you have to enter before you can login. Might make you feel a bit safer?

Why do I keep going back to him? I don't know. I have myself convinced some of the time that he's my "one", that he reacted badly (as did I) to a melting pot of difficult circumstances. That he really does love me and one day will be my happy ever after. And there's a stupid chemistry.

But I know what he is really like. I need to sort out neutral handovers for our baby so I don't need to see him at all. And I need to speak to the police about it. Mostly I need to get the strength to break this addiction to him. I've never had such dreams and hopes as I've had with him. (Never been treated so appallingly either). I'd be so worried if this was my DD's relationship (that is a long way off yet).

There is no such thing as "the one", honestly there isn't. There are good relationships, there are shitty relationships. This is a shitty one.

I think you have a good point about your daughter, waves. She is definitely at an age where she can start absorbing your relationship patterns and, I'm sorry, if she sees you allowing yourself to be treated so disrespectfully, so humiliatingly yet forgiving this appalling behaviour time and again, there is a very strong chance that this could become the template for her future relationships .

Show her that women are allowed to make mistakes but, when they realise that they've misjudged someone, they are able to move on, that they deserve love and respect. Perhaps most importantly, show her that women can do without men altogether if a decent one doesn't turn up because there's nothing wrong with being single and, like you, women are perfectly able to earn a living, bring up a family and be happy and loved without a man, particularly, a twunt to "complete" the picture.

Yes, it does sound remarkably shitty. Dreams and hopes should not be wasted on such a man as this. And it really is a waste. I know it's hard but try not to think of it in terms of addiction, dreams, the one, chemistry. That gives it a dramatic romanticism that probably makes you feel alive and vibrant (when it's good). He must be the one because of how much you feel. No, he's just a cunt. And expecting happy ever after from such a man is like expecting tequila from a cow.

I think it's going to be ok.... This morning I was subject to an unprovoked tirade of utter evil by text. I cried first and now I feel almost grateful. He was cruel and nasty and, well there just aren't words. I've blocked him.

It's just going to be me and the DCs and that's fine.

Can u get a cheap paygo phone and give him that number and only use it to communicate that way if he sends horrible text u don't have to see it by accident, you could only use it for contact that way you could brace yourself to look at it only you feel strong enough.

Just FYI I believe there is a privacy setting on FB that stops anyone being able to find you by your name or number. I can't quite remember the criteria but it will make you more difficult to find.
You could also change both names as suggested. You can add another setting that texts you when your account is accessed from a new place. That way when he logs on as you, you'll receive a text. It won't stop him but might be useful for the police or similiar as you'll know what time it was. Of course you should block him but if he creates new accounts this might stop him. On top of that make sure all your posts, your details, your pictures, your friends list...are all viewable either to only you or to friends only.

FB can (or does automatically, can't remember) also log where log ins came from. If you report it to the Police one of their forensic tech guys (I assume) will be able to find that- it's not particularly tricky.

Follow all the advice these sites give you re passwords. Lots of numbers (just "random" strings), other characters and letters. A mixture of cases.

Report all offenses.