My sister has just told me she is having a baby for attention

[Confusedandshockedd]

Am regular but NC for this

Today I was speaking to my sister, she is 41 weeks pg and was complaining about it all (as you do when your overdue)

Whilst she was complaining she said 'I don't know why I went ahead with this pregnancy, I only got pregnant because you were' I have a 5 mo DD and she is single and unemployed, she told us all she got pregnant as her contraceptive failed. But obviously that is all her business and not mine!

She then admitted she came off the pill as when I announced I was pg every one was so exited, me and DM would go shopping together and everyone was exited for the first DGC. She said she felt pushed out with all of the attention on me and so deliberately set out to get pregnant so people would lavish her with attention and the focus would go back to her.

The baby's father is not around, she said he was a one night stand and does not plan on telling him as she also told him she was on the pill in order to get pregnant.

I have paid for her deposit on a flat to move to, given her all of my old stuff (Moses basket, bouncer, clothes ect) as well as buying a lot for her son, she has not bought anything. I did this as I thought it was an accident and didn't want her to feel pressured into an abortion due to feeling she could not afford a baby, little did i know hay.

I don't know how to feel now , I left and have not spoken to her since, I am miffed, I feel lied too and I feel like she is the most selfish person in the world, and her motives for this baby are all wrong. I will love my niece no matter what but I feel like the trust is gone with my sister.. I don't know how she could do that, bring a child into the world with no money/father/ stability all because She wanted some attention.

AIBU (and I know this is not AIBU but I'm sad and don't want a flaming) in not wanting to speak to my sister and thinking she is selfish and ridiculous for doing this.

I don't think you have any right to be angry about her pregnancy as such. People have babies for many reasons and it's not for you to judge (although if I'm permitted to put my judgey hat on for a moment, I'd say her reason, if true, is incredibly immature, but that's her business).

I think you have every right to be a bit pissed off that you've spent money on her, if she can't support herself and her child. However, you need to ask yourself whether, had you known the truth from the start, would you have still spent the money, I suspect you would have.

Yes she's behaved like a prat, but she's about to have a very rude awakening as a single mother. Put your judgey hat to one side, hard as that might be, and be there for your niece and sister.

I appreciate that it's very hurtful , but I suspect that this isn't the first time that your sister has lied to you or manipulated you. And it won't be the last .

I'm glad that you are strong enough to still go on suppprting her, if only for the baby's sake . I suspect that you might need to stop yourself getting too emotionally involved with her in the future

And I wouldn't waste too much sympathy on the baby's father - he was willing to have a ONS with a complete stranger and not wear a condom , so he's not that great a guy .

I agree with the poster who said that its quite unusual to conceive aftre having sex only once

I wouldn't be surprised if she was lying about only sleeping with him once, or having more ONS's. I am going to be there for my niece but emotionally I am done with my sister and her lies

She sounds very immature and untrustworthy (slept with him once and got pregnant? Yeah right) I would be very angry too and would need some distance. She's manipulated you by taking your attention at a time you probably wanted to give it all to your DD

I suspect that your niece will need a good extended family . Unless your sister gets her act together quickly

The thing is OP, you or she cant change the past. You have helped so much because you thought she was in an accidental situation, and it turns out she put herself into this position willingly.

All you can do now is assess how much of yourself you are prepared to give her from now on in. We should all only ever give what we are willig and able to and, regardless of how or why she got pregnant, you were willing and able to help.

You can pull back on the support, if you feel like you want to, and she has made her own bed, so she will need to lie in it. But there will be a baby out of this, very very shortly, and she is going to feel like she has been hit by a ton of bricks.

If you cant or dont want to offer financial support, or childcare, that is fair enough, but what she may well need most of all is emotional support.

You sound a bit resentful because of all of the favours you've done. It's as though you are collecting Green Shied stamps and every now and then you take out your card and pour over all of your resentment. However, some of those she's not even asked for.
I'm wondering how long you have looked out for her? Are you adults stuck in the roles from childhood?

Another thing I've thought if is the getting pregnant on purpose is a face-saving lie as she starts to worry about the birth.

Your sister sounds like she needs a lot of help! If you ignore her, it will just add to her list of pity party antics! Take the high road and be a good sister :)