Hi, namechanged as this could out me.
I have big, big anxiety issues over being hostess/having people over to stay. In the weeks/days before they are due I am scurrying around trying to make evrything perfect, tidying, trying to get ahead. I become ratty and horrid to my DH and DCs. It is not fun. It is actually horrible. For them. For me. TO be honest, when the friends/family arrive I chill and we have a lovely time. It is is just the build up that is rotten.
I have suffered on and off from anxiety for the last 7 or 8 years. To do with being a perfect parent/not repeating the mistakes my parents make. I had counselling about it in the spring and am soooo much better. But having guests over has opened up this anxiety (back story to follow). So recognising it for what it is (anxiety) helps. Kind of. Recognising why (see below, is obvious) helps. Kind of. But I am not sure how to get over it. The tools I have to help with my (ever decreasing) other anxiety just don't seem to work.
Backstory (I'll try ot keep it as brief as possible)
My DH and I invited my much loved uncle to stay with us shortly before we got married. My uncle is very successful, used to living the high life (5 star hotels etc) and had in the past been a bit of a critical shit to my mum (sister). But he appeared to get over all that and I adored him. I kind of hero worshiped him and was really looking forward to the first time ever I could have him to stay. Anyway, he and my aunt arrived (a bit early, had only just got in from work and had not quite finished getting the house read) and we proceeded to have, what DH and I thought was, a lovely, lovely weekend. Introducing two of the men I loved most to each other.
Cue a day or two after they left and I have my mum and dad on the phone to me as my uncle had been ranting down the phone to them. About the fact the bathroom wasn't completely clean (it was OK as far as I was aware). That I hadn't cooked them a cooked breakfast on the Sunday. That they were not made to feel welcome. That DH and I were a bad match. On and on and on. DH and I took the argument away from my parents. Called my uncle, tried to resolve it (find out what the big gripe really was). Uncle (would now probably call him a narcissist from what I have learned on MN) just irrational. Ranting. Totally obnoxious. It was horrible. We wrote a long letter expressing our sorrow at his views (but not agreeing with them) uninvited him from out wedding and we have been totally NC with him since then.
Anyway - the reason for the backstory/why it causes the anxiety - is normally to balance anxiety you kind of think - well, what is the worst thing that can happen? And then put it into context/realise the worst thing is unlikely to happen. For me (bar anyone dying) the worst thing to happen as a result of being NC has happened. I hosted. It was viewed as being so bad that since then DM, DF, DSis and I have gone NC with the only living side of my mother's family (my family all stood with DH and I).
So how do I get over this? How do I get myself holding a grip? It is only me mum, dad and sister coming for Christmas. They are not my uncle. Why the anxiety building/beginning to simmer? Should I talk to DSis/my parents?
I am a bit lost really. And a bit teary. Sorry is so long.