Irrationally afraid of meeting his ex wife

[notadaisy]

I've been seeing my partner for 9 months. He has teenage children with his ex wife. I've met the children, and they are fab.

I haven't met the exW yet as the kids are old enough to transport themselves between houses, and a lot of the time i'm not at DP's house during any drop-offs or collections so the need for me to meet her hasn't arisen. I've heard lots about her, and seen photos. She sounds and looks amazing.
I will be meeting her during xmas as she'll be dropping kids off while I am also there.

I know that her and DP had a good and loving marriage (while it lasted obviously) and that she made him really happy. They are still on really good terms and very friendly, I am a lot younger than her so feel a bit inferior and intimidated, and insecure to be honest.

I am crapping myself about meeting her, even though I know it'll be for a matter of minutes. I have even thought of feigning a last minute shopping trip so I don't have to be there, but I know this is ridiculous and only putting it off to another day! I also know I am being silly and irrational and need someone to reassure me it's going to be ok?
Doesn't help I am quite shy by nature anyway.
It's not even like she's a dragon/jealous/bunny boiler, she seems really lovely.
Can someone give me a slap any reassurance?

I would encourage you to face it and 'get it over with' - and then that is it done and it won't feel like such a hurdle next time.

My dsis and her exh split years and years ago (maybe about 20?), all is amicable, they have grown up dc. Exh's partner found it difficult to meet my dsis (who is neither stunning nor scary - just an ordinary middle-aged woman) and found an excuse to be absent from any possible meetings. This went on, and on and now it's become quite an issue. I think because it's been going on for so long it has built up into a really big thing in her mind and (according to dsis's exh) she is really anxious about it now.

Meanwhile the dc find themselves juggling family visits to prevent possible meetings, and there is a wedding on the horizon which is proving a bit of a nightmare.

Please don't let it get to this situation. It'll be okay - you just have to keep saying 'in half an hour this will all be over'. And then when it is over you'll probably wonder what on earth you were worrying about.

I never met DH's exW as they had no DC and didn't stay friends. But I do sympathise regarding feeling intimidated by the thought that I somehow didn't match up. I must say that feeling finally disappeared once we got married and had DS. I am well aware it was all insecurity and in my own head. In fact nowadays I almost wish I had met her do I could see for myself what she's like. Just for fun! Remember you're not competing for his affections and she might well be nervous about meeting you too.

I have even thought of feigning a last minute shopping trip so I don't have to be there, but I know this is ridiculous and only putting it off to another day

My vote is for avoiding her if you feel like that.

If you don't want to meet her, don't meet her. You don't have to speak to her ever if you don't want to. It's your choice.

You are in a 9 month relationship which is pretty young. It may go the distance; it may not. If it doesn't, you won't need to have anything to do with her ever. Worst case scenario is if it goes the distance you may need to be present in the same place as her when your DP children get married - but firstly, they may not marry anyway and secondly, even then you don't have to interact with her if you don't want to.

If the kids are teenagers and old enough to travel as you indicate, this woman is really not part of your life and you are perfectly entitled to adopt an attitude of "I'm not interested in meeting her and I don't want to".

All this angst about something not important isn't worth it.