Can you be in love/lust with two people?

[Chelseaharbour]

I've noticed a similar thread on here and I think I'm going to get the same reaction but need to get this off my chest as can't discuss in RL.

Been with DH nearly 10 years and have 2DC. Great relationship, intimate loving, friendship and fun, partners for life, etc and thought I wouldn't be swayed by someone else.

I've moved to a new team within my firm in more senior position. My colleague who I report to for certain staff issues I've found myself being drawn too. We are close in the work sense, when I'm upset he notices, he has even said to me that he doesn't like seeing me upset and if I have issues he will always support me. We have catch ups when we can to discuss our mutual staffing matters.

I find him amazing to talk to and he has many qualities that are similar to DH except he is 10 years older and looks-wise is less attractive than DH. I joke with him and other colleagues but have credibility as well. He took me to lunch recently and was telling me about his exGF from years ago who looked like me. I moved conversation to more general discussions but it did make me feel excited that he may have feelings.

Recently he's been moved to working with a good friend who keeps talking about how great he is and supportive, she is a girl who thinks everyone fancies her so although I've been feeling envious, my body language has been positive. I've encouraged her to attend meetings etc even though I've felt I've wanted him to be more involved with me, god I know that sounds so childish!

Well last night we had the Xmas party and I managed to talk to him at the end of the evening. In my drunken state I told him I'd missed talking to him and thought he was wonderful. He was equally complimentary and as we moved to new bars we never left each other's side even holding hands at one stage. I'm aware that sounds bad when I'm married - in my drunken state I tried to calm down and talked about family life and passions. He is with a long term partner, no DC, I wanted to know about his life. All during our chats, I really wanted to kiss him but I didn't. (I'm aware that other managers were acting inappropriately.)

I now cannot stop thinking about him and looking forward to seeing him after the weekend. The thing is although he is on my mind I'm still also loving my DH. It is a serious crush which I've not had for a long time and I feel really sinful for wanting my colleague to kiss me and have sex. I'm not sure he does it could all be in my head. I feel incredibly guilt for DH whom I love dearly.

Sorry for ramble, hope someone can help me with a reality check?

I can't believe other management were behaving innappropriately. If someone is responsible enough for such a position why then use christmas party as an excuse to behave badly. Surely people want to keep a reputation?.

I think that you should imagine your husband coming home and telling you that they feel in lust with another woman. How do you feel? This man you're so in lust with sounds like a player. He fancys you're colleague too! How special do you feel now. Why don't you cut your man free, so that he can find a decent woman who appreciates him. A great women could snap him up and be more compatible to him.

You're dp sounds like a darling! I'll take him Off your hands if you dont appreciate him! go to creepy guy, I'll have your faithful man.

Well Cheers, it depends what you mean by 'love'. Of course one loves one's children, friends and parents. But the OP is talking about love for one's dh. That kind of love can't in my humble opinion be shared. If you truly love your husband you may feel lust for another man but would not act on it. You wouldn't hurt and break the heart of someone you loved truly. But lust is ubiquitous. There are millions of men in the world and many of them are sexy, attractive, and tempting. But that isn't love it's sexual lust. I believe they are totally different. Not ridiculous at all.

This can only lead to a negative outcome. He's a womaniser, cheating on his partner, and not all that attractive. Wake up and smell the coffee. Your marriage is at stake here. Think of your children.

It's totally wrong but although I do love my DH very dearly, just feel very attracted to this guy.

I won't pursue anything... it maybe all in my head. We have spoken about our partners and I've probably overemphasised my love for DH. Think the alcohol and relaxed atmosphere triggered my crush more..

It's sinful so I won't do anything but as I said before I truly love my DH but attracted to to my sleaze-bag colleagues and can't stop having fantasies about him.

And yes I'm aware of my DC...I am getting the reality check when I read your posts but hard to switch off this crush

Maybe counselling wo help you op. I wonder if there are issues around your belief systems and your marriage that you need to unpick. You don't sound like a git so best to try get to the bottom of what's going on, if you understand it you can manage it