I was married before I met DH, and my ex was very emotionally abusive. We had a DD together, and I met my now DH when she was little. DH and I have since had another 2 DCs together.
When I met DH, he was absolutely lovely; very hands on with DD and with our first DC, very much a family man, respectful towards me, and pulled his weight in the house. We rarely had a cross word.
However since having our second DC (5) together, who was very much planned by both of us, DH has totally changed and, I think, is verging upon abusive towards me.
We decided after having our youngest child that I would be a SAHM. As soon as this happened, DH started to treat me as if he was my boss. He also started leaving everything in the house for me to do, including mess that he has made himself, speaking to me like dirt, being very moody, and seemingly checked out of family life. It was as if he had decided he wanted to continue with a single life by himself and everything else was "my job". During my time as a SAHM he would often be quite unpleasant to me, critisising everything that I did, moaning about any mess, calling me lazy, and all kinds of other things.
I am now working again - school hours Monday to Friday - which I'd kind of hoped would put me on more of an equal footing with DH, but it hasn't. He's still leaving everything to me in the house, and is still unpleasant sometimes. He'll be fine, then will suddenly be in a very bad mood and checks out of family life. He did this last night. I don't have the option to opt out of bathtime or bedtime or getting things ready for the next day, but he seemingly does! He gets very angry and nasty if I ask him to do something when he doesn't want to! He has threatened to leave me in the past over me asking him to do things such as close the dishwasher door!
He also will not discuss things. If I try to talk calmly about things, he says I am trying to cause an argument. If I say I am just trying to talk about things, he says "You're not! You're causing trouble".
I also feel like he is allowed to have boundaries but I am not! He is allowed to be too busy to do things, or not want to do things, but I am not! If I say I can't do something the second he wants me to do it, then I am being awkward, or causing trouble. He gets the hump if I will not do as he says, or if I go against his opinion on something, for example what to buy one of the DCs for Christmas. He'll act as if it's ok but will be all passive aggressive and moody.
He says that I am over sensitive, and picky. But I don't try to talk to him about things often, I just tend to suck it up but I am feeling like I'm done with sucking things up and want to be treated nicely. I feel so envious when I see women whose husbands are hands on with the DCs and seem to enjoy being with them and the DCs.
Is it me??