I will get flamed for this. Finding him less attractive.

[ladeedad]

I know if the shoe was on the other foot, and it eas the DH complaining his wife had put on too much weight, there would be a rush of posters to condemn him.

My DP has always been on the lethargic side and is currently unemployed. He is in the house all day and eating junk. He doesn't seem particularly depressed buy neither is he motivated to take much action nor make an effort for me. He is increasingly looking like my ex, who I didn't have any spark with towards the end. I would hate to upset him by revealing my nasty thoughts. Please help.

I don't find fat people attractive, if my DP got fat I wouldn't fancy him. It's a physical thing, yes I'd still love him but I wouldn't want to shag him.

Maybe concentrate on trying to get him working so he has less time to eat? Can you start taking walks after dinner to get him moving?

Hi ladeedad

He doesn't seem particularly depressed buy neither is he motivated to take much action nor make an effort for me.

Is this a general thing?

Rejecting someone on the basis of appearance or age alone might be shallow. 'Lazy' isn't a good look, however. If he's always been lethargic and this isn't some massive personality change brought about by the unemployment then depression does seem a little less likely, but can't be ruled out completely. Is he doing anything at home to keep himself occupied?

I think the kindest way to tackle it is to tell him that you are worried about him as a person... the lack of motivation, junk food problem, his physical/mental health etc... that you're prepared to help but he has to engage as well.

I wonder what else is going on? Is his hygiene good? Showers, teeth, hair and shaving? Does he take care of home since he is there? All laundry, cooking, cleaning, car maintenance, childcare? Or is he a slob sitting in front of TV all day?

I wouldn't fancy mine if they got fat. No shame in that.

I feel bad now. He made a special effort to replace all the food I'd moaned about him eating, he cleaned up and bought me an early xmas gift. He cooks most nights anyway and is so kind. It's just that kindness translates into being too laidback about himself at times!

The thing is if you don't like it you don't like it. I don't think it's ok to meet someone who's a size 10 and for them to then gain 3 stone and you to be expected to be fine with that. These things matter.

You need to casually discuss it. Me and dh are about 1 stone heavier than we were when we met. We moan and groan about it all the time. We are trying to tackle it. Well we talk a good tackle.

I think you just have to drop some hints.

I think it just depends on too many things to put any firm views on it. If you were put off by your husband gaining like, five pounds, then yes, I would judge you for it.

Women tend to get angry at men who complain about their partner's weight gain, because the vast majority of the time, it's changes in their partner's body due to HAVING CHILDREN.

Men don't have the same sort of drastic biological changes to go through in life, and other biological changes (like hormones dropping etc) tend to be much later on in life.

It sounds like it's your partner's change in attitude and behaviour, as much as it is his physical appearance. I think you should sit down with him and tell him you have noticed he has seemed extremely unmotivated lately, and seems to have lost interest in everything other than television and junk food. This isn't a particularly attractive character to be sharing a household with at the moment - what's the problem?