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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Really awkward situation with 'frenemy'

20 replies

Mrsgrumble · 10/12/2014 23:53

I have know this person for years but they chipped away with little dig am gave me no space (ringing early on Sunday morning to call around, constantly phoning and moaning about stuff, digging for personal info) anyway- she has a lot of redeeming features and I let things go.

But I had a baby and had an infection in severe pain Cluster feeding etc and she rang to come into the ward but I asked her to leave it a few days. The shit started and horrible message that she was more sore than me and so on.

Another arrangement fell through (she cancelled) and we were away for a few days so couldn't meet. Without contacting me to rearrange, she rang my parents saying I had depression, left notes Through my door, waited in her car outside my house, said I made her ill. I sounds ridiculous but she started calling me a hermit.

I don't even know why i turned off her but I just wanted to enjoy my baby and not have to listen to her telling me to make him wait for feeds and not to cuddle him too much. I told her everyone has their own way but something jut went ping I couldn't be bothered anymore and just cut contact. I told her she was not giving me space and was too intrusive and critical. I want that harsh though just said maybe we are different people.

The problem is she keeps contacting me now and then and has found out I had another baby. I don't want to reply as she will be around with going teddies and go then the shit will start again. Dh thinks I should text her but I don't want to encourage this 'friendship' - it's all so awkward. Should I?

OP posts:

however · 10/12/2014 23:55

Not if you don't want to, no.

Congratulations on your new baby. :-)

NorthLDNgal · 10/12/2014 23:56

Life's too short for people who drag you down. That's all I will say.

Original poster

Mrsgrumble · 10/12/2014 23:58

Sorry I haven't explained why I have walked away from her - she will open her mouth and say the rudest things - she rang a long term ex asking why did he dump me (I was mortified but she didn't tell me for months after - she is nosy,she will dig for personal information and throw it back to me. She says she is complimenting me when she is actually making a bitchy comment. )

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 11/12/2014 00:01

She's not going to bring anything good into your life. There is no advantage at all into bringing her back into your life.

Riverland · 11/12/2014 00:03

Just Say No.

Original poster

Mrsgrumble · 11/12/2014 00:14

Thanks, I feel bad as she text me asking has my baby arrived but if I encourage it at all she stalks me. I don't get it. I don't know how she found out I was expecting again. The thing is, if she left me alone a bit more i could put up with her on a now and again basis.

OP posts:

nicenewdusters · 11/12/2014 07:32

I wouldn't get back in contact with her. She sounds very hard work, intrusive, untrustworthy and critical. Friendships change over the years, and you are entitled to call time on this one. You appear to have very good reasons to do so. If she cannot accept this, or others think you are wrong, that's not your problem. I know that sounds harsh but she sounds a bit of a nightmare. Good luck.

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 11/12/2014 07:45

Don't get back in contact. Block her number and then you won't know if she calls, and there are ways to block texts from a number now too. She sounds like a nightmare.

Meerka · 11/12/2014 08:02

No, don't.

likely course of events:
she'll come round. She will start coming round more and more. She'll start criticising and digging. She'll start interfering telling other people you are this, that and the other.

You'll get pissed off; you'll end up having a row or something. from the sound of it she's so persistant she's not all that far off a stalker. It'll all end in bad feeling and you'll be left annoyed, frustrated and with a lot of dislike.

Why bother?

mamadoc · 11/12/2014 08:32

Say no.

I had one of these: constantly popping round my house, ringing, texting. If she got in she would stay all day, expect to be fed and not go home until we went to bed. Requests to borrow money, use my phone, once she even wanted to hang her washing on my radiators!

If I didn't answer her messages she would spy on me to see if I was in. I felt stalked in my own home. DH and DC were sick to death of never having me to themselves.

Polite requests she just ignored so in the end I had to tell her quite firmly although it felt rude. I said you can come once a week for no more than 3 hours. She went ballistic and I had abusive texts and emails from her for ages until I changed my numbers.

It was worth the pain though. I feel incredibly better for never having to see her now. Like you I would have been happy for a casual friendship, occasional coffee but some people have no boundaries and in the end I realised that was not my problem.

loveareadingthanks · 11/12/2014 08:46

Just ignore any contacts from her.

She is not a nice person. You don't have to be anyone's friend if you don't want to be.

Tobyjugg · 11/12/2014 09:48

I worked with someone like this. The only solution is to have absolutely no contact at all. Eventually, they'll find someone else to bug.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 11/12/2014 09:50

She sounds like a bellend. You're well rid - high maintenance snowflakes like that should come with a diagnosis and a warning label.

Aussiemum78 · 11/12/2014 09:54

She sounds unhinged. I'd stop any contact.

MrsMerrywinkle · 11/12/2014 23:35

You don't need people like her darkening your door. Go NC - totally absolutely. She sounds a bit mad.

JimmyChoosChimichanga · 11/12/2014 23:40

Block her, bin her. She sounds toxic as hell. You sound like you are nice and therefore can't really believe there are people like her in the world. There are. She is one. Block and bin.

Hobbitwife001 · 12/12/2014 07:21

I agree with everyone here, this person adds nothing positive to your life and lots of negatives, why would you even consider letting her back into your life. No contact, enjoy your new little one with people that love and respect you, not controlling nut jobs. X

Original poster

Mrsgrumble · 12/12/2014 15:27

Appreciate your advice here, feel less guilty.

I sent her a text and a letter begging her to leave me alone. She text back that she had done nothing wrong. I suppose it's been so normal for her to be insulting her whole life, she can't see.

She doesn't speak to inlaws, difficult relationship with work colleagues, friends and often asked me why. I got to the point of he constant phonecalls, I don't use landline anymore (free calls) my network can't block her number.

OP posts:

Meerka · 12/12/2014 15:30

eww she really doesn't give up does she?

Can you change your number?

absolutely worst case you can tell her to leave you alone and then ring 101, but that does seem a bit severe. If she starts going round to your mother's etc again, I'd consider it though.

Original poster

Mrsgrumble · 12/12/2014 15:33

I could chAnge my number but I've had it for 15 yrs and old friends etc still contact
Anyway, she's lib able to hang outside my house

Her job is ( without outing her ) in the civil service - not police but similar and I can't ring police as I would be taking it too far.

OP posts:

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