my brother is being a bloody fool..do i tell him?

[Apronscreams]

my brother's partner has left him 6 or 7 times - put the house up for sale, moved out etc.
She did thos last November and he took her back in spring, then in summer she did it again.

now she has decided to comeback and he says they are going to give it another try. they have 'sold' their house and are going to back out. I feel like i both HAVE to say something, nad that i am completely wasting my time.

What do you think..anyone been through something like this... pearls of wisdom please

None of your business imo, you can only be there if he wants to talk, presumably he's a grown man. He may not appreciate unsolicited advice anyway.

You can say it until you are blue in the face. Nothing will change until he recognises what is happening.

Don't say anything/slag her off he will only be upset with you. Just be there to pick up the peices.

again?

maybe i shouldn't say anything, but am not going to be friendly or nice to her - or have the Aunty crap with my children again

Apron screams,, we have been in exactly same posiotion with my broother - she was always kicking him out, or making him sleep in the car. THe worse thing was he would come round and tell us what she would do , make us hate her, then go back to her.

In the end , because she knew we knew what she was like, and we always got on his case to leave her each time we saw him, he stopped coming round, phoning, and so we never had hardly any contact .

THe good news is 2 months ago he left her and has come back to spending time with all the family. HOwever, past experiences tells me that anythings possible, so Iwould never rule out them getting back together.

My advise, is just let him get on with it. Tell him your opionion , but only tell him once, dont keep harping on about it. Tell him you dont want a relationship with her, because u dont like her because she hurts him, and it hurts you see it .

And then like xales says, pick up the pieces, again. We mustve had my brother round at least a dozen times, swearing it was over, b4 goingback to her. Its just par for the course, its your sisterly duty

thanks swift - it does sound similar - i really feel for my parents who let him stay etc. I think he knows how i feel so I guess - 'you know what i think' would sufice(sp). will try to be a good sis

at the end of the day, he is choosing to have a relationship to her because he is getting something out of it that he wants or needs.

it may be completely bizarre and opaque to you, but Ithat i've learnt that is impossible for anyone to understand any relationship unless they are actually in it (and don't we all know it, reading about some people's bizarre relationships on here!).

grit your teeth, and stand back. nothing you can say will help, he has to work out what he wants himself. frustrating but true!

It is our job to stand by, not interfere, and be there to help when advice is sought... and to understand that although we may give that advice, it may not be heeded.

It is hard to watch others do what we perceive to be wrong, but such is life and all we can do is be there if things do go awry.

Alternative is if you really do want to say something you say very politely that you have concerns, that you don't really agree with the decision they've made, but that you respect the decision and are there if your bro needs someone to talk to.