Really? ...

[bananamilkshake1]

Sorry - this is a bit long...

So, I have been in a non live-in relationship with my partner for nearly 6 years. He has Aspergers so there can be communication challenges from time to time.

A couple of years ago he paid for a car for me. This was due to my own car being too pricey to run (post divorce financial changes) & having just purchased a house, I had no cash whatsoever. So, DP paid for my car on the basis that it remains his car& that I maintain it. last year it was due it's annual service & he had a preference for which main dealer I use. This was based on the fact that he didn't "trust" the main dealer nearer to my home. The lack of trust was based on one communication with the dealer when we were looking at getting my car. I have no idea what made DP reach this decision.

It wasn't the most ideal option, but I booked it into the dealer of his choice which was a pain getting to & from as it's in a different city to the one I live in (some additional 20 miles round trip).

This year, my car came up for service & I automatically booked it into the dealer nearest me. The service was great, it fitted in with my work commute & I didn't have to leave work mid afternoon to collect it.

I happened to mention to DP that I had had the car serviced & he asked which dealer I had used. I said x. Email then went very quiet until hours later when DP basically said that he was "disappointed in me" that I clearly didn't respect him or his opinions & that he wondered what the point was of trying to make Xmas special when I didn't respect him. I was gobsmacked & emailed him back (this all during work hours & he doesn't like to be called!!) saying it has nothing to do with respect or trust, it was about practicalities & let's not argue about this. I have heard nothing since (2 days now).

I think this is a pretty major overreaction but appreciate he gets like this every now & again if he feels I have slighted him in some way.

At the moment, I'm very glad we don't live together... btw - we are both middle aged adults!

Can anyone tell me I'm not being unreasonable here?

Thanks,

Banana

[bananamilkshake1]

Hi Fairy,

I'm really not sure how receptive he might be.

We don't discuss his Aspergers, he told me he was on the spectrum some way into our relationship but that it the only time it has been directly referred to. It was a very throwaway comment and wasn't part of a big discussion at all. It's like he wanted me to know but didn't want to make a big deal of it.

I have read loads on the subject and try to be very flexible and understanding when, for example, when he needs space,
he has a meltdown etc. It's understood between us but it never openly discussed. I don't really want to bring it into the discussion directly as I don't want him to think I'm "attacking" him because of his diagnosis.

However, I do say, quite often , that he and I think about things in different ways and process things very differently. This does seem to resonate with him and although not a direct way of dealing with conflict, does illustrate that we are both different.

Thanks,

Banana