Ex has moved on at the speed of light :/

[arabella4]

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, not giving me any reasons or closure, just went cold on me after 3 years and said it wasn't working any more and it 'wasn't good for anyone' (whatever that means.) Obviously it has turned my world upside down. We didn't live together but I felt that this was it, we were talking about marriage in the future and it's all gone. I'm late 20s, he's early 30s and I felt we were ready to settle down.

Imagine my shock this week when I log on to Facebook to see pictures of him with a new woman all over his page, his friends' pages and the woman herself's page. I feel numb and can't believe how insensitive they've been. They knew I'd see it and it is unbelievable that he can be all cosy and happy with someone else this early when I feel like I'm still processing what's happened.

To make it worse, he seems so different in these photos. Towards the end, he never made an effort to look nice when he went anywhere with me. Sometimes he'd come out in tracksuit bottoms covered in paint or old scruffy jeans, hair flat and messy, looking miserable and moaning about everything. With her, he's wearing a SUIT, hair perfectly styled with a huge grin on his face. Everyone is so happy for him ('you're such a cute couple, so glad you're happy' etc. Even friends/family members of his that I liked and I thought liked me.)

I didn't do anything nasty to him to deserve this behaviour, I put everything into that relationship and I feel so pissed off that he's treated me like this. His friends have made me angry too. They always kept me at arm's length, never really wanted to get to know me, yet there are pictures of them all in the pub all over this new woman like they've known her for years.

It's like I've gone into an alternate universe where everyone has turned into a complete arse with no empathy. Is it just me or is this a weird way to behave? :(

Op how long do u expect people to wait before they move on?

You need to let him go and reclaim your life

Break ups are hard. The only healer is time and possibly getting yourself a rebound thing yourself as a distraction technique. I know it doesn't seem like it but he wasn't the one for you. Someone, somewhere else is the one for you. When you meet him you will be delighted that your ex left you.

@arabella4 I don't want you to think I am having a dig at you by saying he might not have been challenged enough. It's just a fact that some people aren't supposed to be together. The change at the end would be an indicator that he had already made his mind up about your relationship.

All is not lost though - I don't think it's a very nice thing to do to plaster it all over Facebook, but block them and try to move on. You seem like a nice person so if you get your head down and try to stop thinking about it you'll be right as rain in no time.

It's made me feel quite angry in general and very distrustful of people. I've had offers of dates from other men (men who seemed nice and genuine and there was nothing wrong with them) but I didn't pursue anything because I feel so 'anti-relationships' at the moment. I feel safer on my own, nobody can hurt me and make me feel like that again if I'm single. It's stupid and I hope it doesn't last but that's the effect it's had on me. As well as making me lose a lot of weight and getting back into interests I neglected when I was with him. Guess it's not so bad after all.

Goats got in quicker than me and is right. It's hard to hear but he isn't doing anything wrong. He ended a relationship and then met someone else. Painful to see pics on Facebook but you must have known it would happen at some point. I'm not saying he treated you well during the split but months later he owes you nothing. He's just your ex now.

You will be ok, love

Theoways, you cross posted with me there. You're right, she does seem more his type from the interests I've read that she has. He's probably really happy with her and I can see that we weren't suited because there were things we didn't agree on and he used to make me feel crap sometimes. I remember trying to discuss something with him once (something random about life, can't remember what it was now) and he cut me off in the middle of my sentence by saying "I'm not IN to all that stuff you are, I don't want to talk about THINGS."

I remember feeling a bit confused because it wasn't like I wanted some great intellectual debate. Just a conversation about something I'd noticed haha. Maybe she is happy watching the football and being quiet ;)

That's the attitude! Don't be anti relationships though. No harm in staying single for a while but when you are feeling happier, make sure you accept those dates. You will be happy again.

I don't get the posts about saying he must have been with his new gf before he and op split up etc. Op you split up months ago. For whatever reason your relationship didn't work out, sometimes these things do happen - there doesn't necessarily need to be an ow and not everyone who ends a relationship is a bastard.

I agree that removing him from fb is the best way forward, but months down the line is perfectly reasonable timing to be together etc.

I don't actually think she was an OW. I do, however, think there was a possible OW before her (from his workplace), right at the time we split up because there were several indications that made me wonder. I'll never know for sure though.

Indeed. Best to move on, eh

It's true that sometimes people aren't a good combination. One of my ex-boyfriends I have immoralized as the love of my life, but over time I have realised there are lots of reasons to be glad that we split up when we did. He is absolutely lovely but we had too many faults in common.

Firstly I'm sorry you are feeling this way but he has every right to move on and be happy In another relationship I think you should focus on your self. You will feel so much better for it good luck op.

I don't think it's so much a case of some people are not meant to be together. More so that they were right together at one point in time but grew in different directions. I can't imagine anyone spending 3 years with someone otherwise.

Sorry you feel sad arabella. They say the best revenge is to "live well". Focus on yourself and your happiness and in a few months it might be you that has moved on while your ex gets over his finished rebound relationship .
Seriously though, I agree that he should not be plastering their photos all over Facebook knowing that you will see them. Consider this a lucky escape - you have lots of time to enjoy your life and to meet someone you get on much better with .

so mumsnet like to pronounce she was in the background and the cause if the split.

WITH NO EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THIS. .
OP being chucked hurts but he has not done wrong. he wasn't right for you . Try to be happy for him and his new gf.
chin up love x

Yes it does hurt. Time is a great revealerrr about who you are and what you want, take that time to heal and grow. Maybe he wasn't good enough for you and you felt comfortable. Moving on is fucking scary I know. No contact with his life at all now. You'll learn about yourself as times goes on. Feel the pain and emotions, no shame in that.

jasper I take it that you havent read the OP saying that she thinks that there was an OW but that this woman wasnt the one?

Sadly with experience, you soon learn that over night behaviour changes coupled with "I havent been happy for months/years/decades" means that 99% of the time there is someone else involved in your relationship. Thats what I and many others picked up on. The OP had only mentioned one woman so we assumed (wrongly) that it was her. But there WAS an OW in the OP's opinion so the only issue is that it wasnt this particular woman!

He was cheating, made up reasons to excuse it and left with no explanation. The fact that the cheating relationship ended and a new one started doesnt mean that he did nothing wrong!

Sorry but IMHO your ex boyfriend has done nothing wrong, there's also no evidence that he cheated on you with her.

I think that even if there is no cheating involved if someone says they're unhappy and leave then mn will accuse them of cheating. How many people on here say that if someone is unhappy they should leave a relationship first and then start a new one after? There is no evidence the op's bf has cheated, with this woman or otherwise. he said he was unhappy, op said their relationship was strained at some points, he left, all things which mn advise someone should do rather than cheat, no? Yet people have come on here and said that no-one leaves a relationship unless there is someone else involved.

Which answers the question really as to why people end up in affairs before ending relationships, because whatever they do people will form their own opinions.

Don't let other people's projections make you think he was cheating, it's certainly not a given. Delete him from facebook and focus on yourself. And if I was putting new pictures up on facebook, I would choose the suit ones rather than the track suit. Good luck!

My ex moved on pretty quickly after we split, took him about 6 weeks. He tried to ambush me at xmas by bringing her round (I was at his parents with DD) I was still trying to get over it, not helped by the PND or anxiety.

I remember trying to discuss something with him once (something random about life, can't remember what it was now) and he cut me off in the middle of my sentence by saying "I'm not IN to all that stuff you are, I don't want to talk about THINGS."

Ugh. That's just HORRIBLE. Bastard.

It won't feel like it now but you're well rid. It doesn't cost anything to treat people with respect and he didn't do that, at the time and since.

(And what's all this 'they're probably more suited'?? Salt/wound or what! For goodness sake, people.)