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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The difference between a man being sweet and being a creep, possible red flags?

52 replies

gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 20:22

Met a man online and had two daytime dates. My gut is telling me this man is trying way too hard. The kind of compliments I have had daily for two weeks in text are...your perfect, Your beautiful, I'm so privileged to of met you, Your so photogenic you could be a model, I want to make you happy, Missing you, thinking about you all the time.
We have had two dates totalling 7 hours.
I'm not bad looking but his comments are like he is using flattery for what reason? Saying I'm perfect when he doesn't really know me.
On our first date he said quite a few times "your so beautiful" kissed my hand, held my hand and I suppose I felt a little uncomfortable but I'm not naturally a touchy feely person and not use to a man giving me constant compliments.he is
Talking about future things we can do together. And the random messages like "your beautiful" feel like he's feeding them to me to keep me hooked.
I would love to believe that this man is head over heels for me but my sensible side says its all BS and he's probably got a few online women on the go with the sweet talk.
Anybody got any advice, experiences with this kind of ott flattery 24 hours?
Red flags?
If he's trying to get in my knickers he's putting alot of effort into it.

OP posts:
Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 21:47

Thanks all for the talking to, just wanted someone else to confirm what I thought.

OP posts:
Meerka · 09/12/2014 21:50

I gather on line dating has an awful lot of players, married men and people who, er, have problems sustaining relationships.

The best way apparently is to listen to your instincts and politely say goodbye to anyone who doesn't feel genuine.

Do think you were right to say goodbye here. HOpefully you'll find a goodun soon :)

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 21:57

Hes gone silent on the texting which probably confirms he was making me into some fantasy woman or working me.
I am having no luck with online dating, had another call me a milf after a date.
Feel annoyed with myself really.

OP posts:
Meerka · 09/12/2014 22:02

Don't feel annoyed with yourself, just work on the good-guy / tosser filters :) Lot of very weird men out there (and quite a few weird women, for that matter).

Darkesteyes · 09/12/2014 22:04

Theres no such thing as Perfect Woman or Perfect Man. Its people putting others on a pedestal and then punishing them when they "fall off" by revealing their own flaws.

Ive even seen ppl say Wow he/she is everything i want in a man/woman when all theyve seen is a photo and a dating profile.

Id rather be celibate than expected to be Perfect Woman.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/12/2014 22:07

Have you had a bad relationship in the past? your knob radar doesn't seem to be working very well. This man might just be a socially inept berk, but some of the things he says are the sort of things abusers say.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2014 22:11

Don't feel annoyed with yourself, feel annoyed with the crap men

There is nothing wrong with your twat radar, girlfriend Smile

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 22:27

solid I was with my exh from 19 -33, he was mot abusive but my family say he kept me down. I am so much happier now we have split, just seem to be clueless. I had more sense at 18 than I do now.

OP posts:
Meerka · 09/12/2014 22:30

You have a shit load more experience now.

18 year olds are great, they know it all. 33 year olds have got a clue that they don't.

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 09/12/2014 22:43

Thanks meerka for talking sense.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2014 22:51

yep, age doesn't always infer confidence

sometimes your experiences have the effect of knocking the stuffin' outta ya

emmalouise1091 · 09/12/2014 22:52

My ex was like this when we first met and I thought I had hit the jackpot.
He was like this to the next woman who came along and plenty before me.
None of it was genuine and just a technique he knew worked

AWholeLottaNosy · 09/12/2014 22:54

OP have you seen the Baggage Reclaim website? It's so good, lots of great advice and support for women dating. I think if you went on it you might find some good advice to help steer you through the murky waters of modern dating...

TheNewWitchOfSWL · 09/12/2014 23:01

He is creepy, needy, a bit daft and desperate. AVOID.

Darkesteyes · 09/12/2014 23:04

Coincidentally Nosy i spent last night reading the blogs on that website and started a thread about it earlier today.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2255378-The-Baggage-Reclaim-website

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2014 23:10

I second/third the Baggage reclaim site

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 10/12/2014 08:06

Will definitely check baggage reclaim. The man in question text me to say he's not a arsehole and was being nice, absolutely genuine and felt I was out of his league.
He's good looking so I don't buy it, at first I thought I was just not use to being treated nice.
He also asked if I was speaking to someone else.
We all want to be treated good and made to feel beautiful so I suppose he's got a good act.

OP posts:
DoIknowitschristmas · 10/12/2014 08:14

I think it's all the excitement of meeting someone new. I have experienced this several times. I called it off with one man who was like this before we even met (!) and he was really nice about it and said it was just over-enthusiasm. I still didn't meet him though as I could never live up to what he thought I would be.

I have just ended another short relationship and he said, I was too intense for you wasn't I?

I don't think these men are necessarily players. It's just the headiness and excitement and anticipation and lust all mixed in together. Better than being too cool in a way.

NewEraNewMindset · 10/12/2014 08:18

I hate the 'text conversations' you are describing, it's so immature. I did my fair share of online dating before I met DP.

When I met him he was just so lovely and normal. No head games, no cancelled dates, no baggage. No weird red flags or over the top stuff. We have been together three years now and he is still lovely and non dramatic and loves the bones of DS and me.

I always think if it's meant to be it's never dramatic and angsty. It just works from the getgo.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2014 08:21

Why are you still engaging with this pillock ?

Zazzles007 · 10/12/2014 08:34

The flattery is a smoke-screen for something - don't know what, but you are being taken for a sucker. Show him that you aren't the sucker he thinks you are and cease contact.

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 10/12/2014 08:45

I'm not engaging him, he's tried to explain in text.
Live and learn or live and don't date maybe :)

OP posts:
Notgoodwithwords · 10/12/2014 08:51

In my experience (6yrs on & off online dating) this man is a player. I've found this type are only after sex & no committment so they over work it at first then go cold.

Don't understand why they just can't be honest!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2014 09:07

You are engaging with him if you are still reading, sharing and analysing his asinine texts

Original poster
gottafindaman4yagirl · 10/12/2014 09:08

I think this type of man might have mental problems and cant help themselves. It seems like trying to make some fantasy untill the bubble bursts and a real and not so perfect woman reveals herself.

OP posts: