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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Headbutted by my ex who is trying to get back with me

14 replies

Eddie10 · 08/12/2014 21:57

I feel totally ashamed of what has happened I had an abusive boyfriend and we had a child 5 years ago we split up when she was one and it has been very hard for me to keep a relationship with him for my daughters sake so she has him in her life, I have never moved on or dated anyone as I feel I could never trust again, recently he has been round our house and has been trying to be more present in our lives and we were being friendly which has made me really happy

We went to a Christmas party yesterday and all my friend were there it was difficult for me to go with him as they know the history we had in the past, but it thought its great for our daughter to have her father there

Everything was great until he had to much to drink and he just started to shout in my face and then headbutted me, my friends saw everything and I feel so sad there this has happened after 5 years of me trying to build a relationship and I really beloved we were getting somewhere

I know I have to cut him out my life now but it's so hard as I have no family here and feel sorry for my daughter as she has just started to get used to him being around, I know no one Can help but I feel so lonely at the moment

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 08/12/2014 22:00

You say all your friends were there. So seek their support. Tell them you made a mistake. Keep him out of your life.
He can see your ddd if he is safe around her....

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/12/2014 22:00

You called the police to report the assault yes?

OnlyWantsOne · 08/12/2014 22:02

I really hope you can report him! That's atrocious behaviour! Do not let this man in your house or be alone with him.

EssexMummy123 · 08/12/2014 22:03

Why would you want your daughter around a father that potentially could take his temper out on her one day?

tanyatanya · 08/12/2014 22:06

You know what you need to do. I hope your friends support you.

CogitOIOIO · 08/12/2014 22:46

The police can help. You were assaulted and there are witnesses. Get them involved and get him sanctioned.

SoleSource · 08/12/2014 23:09

Have nothing more to do with him and protect your DD by keeping him away from her too. You're not to blame.

Lweji · 08/12/2014 23:11

Hugs. :(

But you need to realise this is him, he'll never change and keep him away.
This is the time to report it to the police and make sure all his abuse is recorded. Because in all likelihood, he will not make it easy for you to turn your back on him.

SanityClause · 08/12/2014 23:14

You don't have to be ashamed.

He is the one who has done something shameful.

Hold your head high, (as you walk into a police station to report him).

AliceinWinterWonderland · 08/12/2014 23:15

You absolutely should be reporting him to the police.

gamerchick · 08/12/2014 23:21

Yes you need to report him as has been said. Keeping him away from you and your child is so important.

Have you reported him?

Coyoacan · 09/12/2014 03:31

Addressing another issue, OP. You say you have problems with trust after this man and I totally understand where you are coming from. I was wondering, and other posters will know more, if the freedom programme would help you to identify the red flags, thus giving you a chance to enter into the dating game again.

theoways · 09/12/2014 21:46

You need to tell the police. I'm sure you might think that going to them would be bad for your child, but it is far worse for your child to grow up with someone around who treats women like that.

If a girl is brought up with an abusive father, it isn't unusual for her to enter into an abusive relationship herself. Go to the police - this kind of behaviour only gets worse, especially if you allow it to happen without consequence.

Meerka · 09/12/2014 22:09

YOU have no reason to be ashamed. Don't think that for a moment.

You have a lovely daughter. Life is lonely sometimes and it sucks. Hug a teddy rather than be with the wrong man.

There are good men though. There really are. Have a look for lists of red flags .. er .... this is a good start. Maybe try the Freedom Programme to work out a few things, if you find you're attracted to the wrong ones and to maybe gain a bit of faith in yourself, which is clearly at a low.

take care

Flip