Am I just being dramatic/acting like a princess

[Chocoholic35]

Please be gentle with me. I don't know if I am just expecting too much.

I am a sahm - school aged children but I am starting work again january. I do everything in the house apart from his ironing and he gives our eldest his breakfast as I am usually in the shower at this point (ds1 leaves for school at 7.30). I have no problems with this at all, I'm at home so I do the running of the housework.

Dh has messed up a few times over the years. I don't drive so the only thing i don't sort out is anything to do with the car. He forgot to MOT it last year and ended up driving round for 3 months with it. I didn't say anything as he was mortified about it and he's a grown man so he didn't need me telling him off. He then says after his mess ups that he is so happy we are part of a team and I don't judge him blah blah. Well anyway I messed up our dentist appointment - I thought it was the Tuesday morning and it was actually the monday. We have now been struck off from our dentist as they have a 1 strike and you're out rule. Dh has gone mad and told me how crap I am as a sahm and if this was a real job I would have been fired by now!! I am gutted I have been so proud of being a sahm for the last 14 years and have felt I have done a bloody good job.

Also without going in to too much detail I have been doing an intense course this last 8 weeks which will help me so much with the future. I have had no support from him at all, he doesn't want to hear about it. I am so upset I have supported him for the last 20 years whilst his career goes from strength to strength. It was his idea that I go back to work and he can't wait for me to start so it's not about me going back to work.

I suppose I'm just questioning my marraige now I look back I can see its me who just keeps everyone happy but no one goes out of their way to make me happy.

We also don't have sex - we have it about once every 3 months as he doesn't feel like it?!? I have asked him to go to the dr he has said he will but he's being saying that for 3 years?

I suppose I'm asking am I being demanding or is this normal?

Does he resent the fact he is the main bread winner?
you deserve better and he sounds like a dick, I would pick him up on every little thing he does wrong, however I feel like everyone else has said your energy would be put to better use getting your job and leaving him. He sounds awful. Good luck op, sorry its rough at the moment for you x

Sorry you're in this difficult position.

When he asks you next week why he hasn't had his me, me, me bedtime treat, tell him you've found something better to do with your mouth. Actually, you've been doing some thinking and you've found something better to do with your life.

Very best of luck with your job. I hope it's the beginning of a whole new life for you.

Thank you all so much for the replies. I don't really know what to say. In response to some of the questions all of the money is 'our' money so financially we don't have problems. As for the sex I don't get any pleasure at all. When we do have sex it's over and done with pretty quick wether I have orgasmed or not. I do have cough toys for my pleasure that I use alone so sexually I feel okay it's just the connection we used to have during sex that I miss.

I spent most of last night awake thinking and a lot of it comes down to my last pregnancy 8 years a go. Dh only wanted 2 children and so did I. Well we got caught with ds3. Dh asked me to have an abortion and I refused. There was no huge row I just bet firmly said no and if he didn't like it then he could leave and I would raise the children on my own. I used to have lots of confidence back then and could stick up for myself. That's when the sex started to ease off - about once a fortnight instead of a few times a week. This was him not me I was constantly horny. We started arguing more and I did ask him to leave a few times - he refused. It's got to the point where we don't argue as I can't be bothered anymore.

We don't live near family so I'm here on my own. I have a few friends but I don't want to tell them. I feel embarrassed and everyone who meets him tells me what a great guy he is and how lucky we are to have the 'perfect' family.

I just don't know what to do I don't what to spend the next 50 years like this but I can't see a way out I know my family would turn their backs on me as they idolise Dh and my mother has told me this already. I am going to refuse any more blow jobs that's for certain.

Do people change? If I told him how I felt do you think it would help? I am not scared of him or anything and he has never made me feel threatened or anything so I wouldn't be putting myself in a dangerous situation.

I think that teing him how you feel would absolutely be the first thing you should do.

His reaction will tell you a lot.

Just utilise your toys and quit the blow jobs. He has withdrawn sex and affection from you to punish you.

This pissy little wanker is shit in bed, tell him that.

So (correct me if I'm wrong) he's blaming you for DS3? It's a) your fault you got pregnant and b) a massive inconvenience to him that you wouldn't have an abortion? So he has opted for being a nasty bastard and limiting opportunities for it to happen again? Has he had the snip?

I just don't know what to do I don't what to spend the next 50 years like this but I can't see a way out

He sounds vile, but I really don't think spending the next 50 years like this is an option, is it? If you're sure you want to at least try to get through this together, I think you need to discuss your surprise DC3 again - possibly through couples counselling? How is he with DC3? I really hope he doesn't treat his 'mistake' differently.

Let me get this straight - he won over your parents some time ago, and if you do things his way, and assume domestic responsibility for everything except the car, and give him all of your attention with little in return, financially things are sound so he's entitled to tell you to STFU and things are fine.

The relationship you are in took the best part of 20 years to develop, so like the frog in increasingly hot water you don't see how bad it is because it's gradual.

You say your parents idolize him, I wonder how much emotional energy you expend on trying to live up to their expectations or keep an image of a happy settled marriage going.

If you are unable to count on parents for support I hope you can talk candidly to at least one RL friend. It isn't healthy to keep pretending it's all roses and his barbs just wash over you.

Do you think he's capable of change?

Do you think he would try and change for you to make you happy ? He must sense that you're unhappy, so why isn't he trying to do something about it now ?