Just can't seem to forget ....upsetting ...

[Only1scoop]

3.5 years ago I had a termination. I had kind of come around to idea of a second dc. Dp was against idea though ....We had a 10 month old dc ....dp job was threatened with redundancy....I sorted out an early medical termination at around 8 weeks.

I came home that eve after having the medication to basically miscarry at home. I calmly explained to dp that it was both of our responsibility to look at future contraception and explained I felt so guilty about what we had done. As he often does ....if he hears something he doesn't like....he shut down and didn't really speak with me that eve.... other than asking if I wanted a cup of tea etc.

He had asked the night before if he should take time off work. I told him very stupidly ....to do what he thought best.

He went to work. He left me for 2 days bleeding heavily and in pain whilst looking after our dd....crawling at the time. It's a horrible memory.

I just can't get past this....he has said he was a coward and ran away ....but I just can't move on. It's not that he left me ....but our dd in my care in the state I was in. I couldn't do this to another human being and struggle with it.

I have had 2 MMC in last 10 months ....one this time last year at 17 weeks. I'm sure it makes things seem so much worse.

We have just started couples therapy but I just don't know if its even worth it....Has anyone else found counselling has helped?

Don't even know what I'm asking but thanks for reading.

Thanks all

Lost so sorry to hear about your brother. Sounds like an awful time you went through.... similarities be it I didn't tell a soul at the time either.

Will let you know how things go thanks you.

But he has admitted to being a weak coward...is that not a step in the right direction? My DH and went through a stillbirth and it was traumatic. These things can take a bite out of a relationship, God knows. You have a bit of post traumatic stress going on
Your MCs have added to the trauma of your termination. Try your hardest to navigate your relationship onto a pathnof forgiveness. If he's basically a good person and your love for one another is true, you will be OK.

Poor you, so he has let you down re trust and also let you down re support, what he did was just cruel and yes cowardly.

He is void of the two most important traits in a person so no you shouldn't get over it, either the termination or his treatment of you, not sure if you can get past this, I'd have ended the relationship there and then personally.

Yes Jan....exactly how I feel today....Had a couples counselling session today felt totally disillusioned she seemed to almost side with him and make me out to be angry and 'hormonal'

I'm feeling like new year new start. Am going to start planning.

Thanks all

I had a similar event (although not as awful). This was along time ago and I am no longer in the relationship. I was in hospital for four days and my 'D'P I was living with as a married couple came to see me once. His mate came to see me every evening and read to me, talked to me or helped me out to the television room so we could watch together. There was no romance between us, we were just good friends but it made me re-evaluate what I had (or didn't have) in my partner. It was the start of the rot. He fucked up mightily a few months later and we may have stayed together through that if he had some points stored up but he did not.

If you truly feel the resentment will never go away and you have every right to that feeling. New Year new start indeed. Good luck.

only1Scoop Im so sorry to hear about these difficult events.

personally I think that he let you down badly, but that since that time - a very bad time - he's tried to step up and be there for you.

Do you still love him?

If you do, well, emotions don't necessarily respond to reason but on a head-level, if you could accept that he has tried hard to improve and succeeded, that would be something. He doesn't sound a bad or overall uncaring man.

Your hurt shines through very clearly. Have you really come to terms with the grief of the termination? I'm getting the sense that perhaps you regret it (maybe Im mistaken), specially in the light of the miscarriages.

It sounds to me like you are two people who are trying togehter and who have tried together. I hope you can find the reserves to forgive him and to come to terms with it; and that you are successful in future attempts. Take care

Thanks all

Meerka lovely to hear from you. I just feel like I've so many emotions at moment it's finding a starting place to begin

Yes I believe he is truly sorry and he's devastated at the thought of his family splitting up. Im just finding it hard to relate to him right now. I think emotions are heightened at this time of year for us.

Yes I do still love him ....dislike him though for many things. I think time may heal that as well as effort on both sides.

I feel calmer today which is a start I guess.

Hope you and family well.

We are, thank you :) I'll admit that I'm glad it's quieter at christmas time where I live, the fuss in the UK gets to me a bit. This way we can actually enjoy it, nice and without pressure.

All the best for you and him.