Confused about toxic PILS and need advice!

[Pengyquin]

Ok..have posted before, but will try make this easy to follow...just need some opinions.

Basically, I have had no contact at all with MIL since 2 weeks after our wedding when she screamed down the phone at me that she didn't consider me part of her family. This was the last straw for me after 12 months of being nasty when we were planning our wedding and then deliberately trying to ruin our actual wedding day! (and our honeymoon).

So, I haven't spoken to her for over 14 months now.

DH has 3 times now tried to bring it up with FIL and MIL and said he believes they owe me an apology but each time the phone conversation ended in either screaming (on their side) or just plainly refusing to listen to what he had to say.

In the meantime, we have had another child. DS is now 7 months old. They have never met him.

However, our DD turned 2 recently (they've only met her 3 times due to all the nastiness etc, the last time being at our wedding, when she was still a baby) and a huge box of gifts arrived for her at my parents house. (I might add my parents don't want anything to do with all this and would rather not be involved, so found the whole thing very awkward)

Fast forward a few months...DH's siblings are now refusing to talk to him, although one of them did respond but was openly rude and refused to say why they weren't talking to him. PILS have now not contacted DH at all for nearly 5 months.

I firmly believe that the story MIL told about the wedding and everything leading up to it, and after it is very very different to the actual truth. DH's grandparents (on one side) have not sent birthday cards etc since it happened. Mind you, MIL didnt' acknowledge DH's birthday either this year (not even a card)

So...Christmas is round the corner, and again PIL's have turned up with a box of presents for our kids to my parents house. This time I just told my mum to open everything. Lovely present from DH's other grandparents (for both the kids and ourselves) but not even a card from PIL for us. A present for both children and a card saying how much they love them

DH spend last night in tears that his family have seemingly cut him off but still want to play happy families with our kids. His family have never been one for actually talking to each other but basically, since the whole wedding fiasco, DH has been the one making all the effort and when he stopped, they just never contacted him again.

What should we do? Frankly, I feel like sending a card/letter saying that unless they're willing to have a relationship with at least their son (even if they hate me, their DIL) they should stop sending gifts to grandchildren they don't even know. How can they say they love them when they don't even know them?! Actions speaking louder than words etc.

The best bit of all of this is that they are very religious, attend church every Sunday! Surely they should be looking at their own behaviour!

I can't see at the minute how this is going to get resolved. DH doesn't know why they've totally cut him off, I've quite enjoyed not having to deal with PILS but worry now how this will pan out over the coming years if we don't do something now. Kids are getting older and will start asking questions. Also, I hate how they've involving my parents by dropping stuff round at their house!

Any ideas?

Thank you everyone for your detailed advice, especially Attila..your words really hit home.

Sigh. It's just so goddamn frustrating. Prior to the wedding, we had numerous run-ins. Where every time I was made to feel like the bad guy and I ended up letting things just lie, even though I was fuming. However, the first time I stood up to them, they got shitty and went awol for about 6 months.

For eg...my parents live near PIL's holiday home. So everytime we went to visit my parents (who live bloody miles away so we only get to see them 4 times a year at the most), PILS just expected we would visit them at the same time and basically make plans on our behalf. Anyway, this one time it was just me and baby DD who had travelled the 6 hours down. DH had to work.

Someone PILS knew had driven past my parents house (bizarre, because not on a road you drive down unless you live there..or you're spying!) and seen our car. Had informed PILS and cue text message to me, randomly, asking how I was and what was I up to. (they never ever spoke to me) I spoke to DH and said, received a really odd text msg. He said yes, they've just rung me and said you're at your parents and how dare you go down there without telling them.

Anyway, I replied to text msg with, yes, I am down here at parents..sorry but really busy, would have been nice to have caught up but fully booked up sorting out wedding things (this was true) but can perhaps do coffee on Friday morning here if you would like?

I never received a reply at all. DH got a screaming phone call saying how dare I ruin their visit to their holiday home and now PIL had lost 2 days holiday.

Seemingly, without asking, MIL had told FIL to book two days holiday to go down to their holiday home early (on the weds rather than the fri) so that they could take DD for two full days (including overnight) because she hadn't bonded with them yet.

At this point, DD was about 4 months old. I wouldn't have left her overnight on her own with my own parents, never mind the inlaws!

So MIL was now blaming me for FIL losing two days of holiday

I rang up MIL and told her it was her own fault. She shouldn't have presumed, she should have asked in the first place. Cue another call then off FIL saying I was being rude by not seeing them every time I went to my parents.

In the end, I said to FIL, well if my parents lived in say Wales (for eg) and your holiday home was in Devon, you wouldnt be expecting to see me everytime I went to visit them. He even admitted it was because it was convenient for them, and they didn't want to have to drive up to see us because they were 'busy'. I said, tbh, because I don't see my parents that often, when I do see them I want quality time with them, and other friends/family who I don't see often on my side. You live fairly close to us (90mins away) but choose not to visit us..that's your choice.

I might add that despite PILS saying we lived too far away to come up to visit, they once arrived unannounced, because they had won an auction on ebay for a shed and needed to collect it!!!! ( that really pissed me off because they were prepared to travel to pick up a shed, but not to see their granddaughter!)

Oh the other important bit is that we're broke :( and my parents pay £120 for us to go and visit them (Dad not in great health, so really is a big ask for them to come up here). PILS know this, and yet kept going on why were we ok to drive down to my parents but not drive down to theirs. Genuinely, we didn't have the money to put petrol in the car to drive to theirs. On the flipside, PILS have a lot of money.

His siblings are very weak and immature.