Don't know what to do...

[Mummyoftwobeautifulpoppets]

Hope you don't mind me posting this here, not much response yet in Pregnancy Choices (and I know what a straight talking helpful bunch you are, and I need some straight talking right now..)

6 weeks pregnant, found out 2 weeks ago when my period was a little late.

Have 2 wonderful DC at school and preschool, but am a single mum.

Started a relationship a few months ago, my first 'healthy' relationship in many years, with a lovely man. It's been moving at a lovely slow pace (well obviously not that slow!!) in many respects and we're enjoying getting to know each other. Thought we had been careful, I have always been very fertile though, but no excuse; it was irresponsible. He hasn't met the children yet (I had planned on about a year/18 months or so in, if we are still together).
He reacted amazing, told me he would support whatever I decided to do and had been very concerned about how I'm feeling (stark contrast to previous relationships), but I've known him 3 months!

Decided after talking it through with him that a termination was the right option.

So it was decided. I just don't know if I can do it. Physically.

The only other time I was in this position (and got as far as having the tablets in my hand) was five years ago. Beautiful and amazing DD is now standing in front of me with a blanket on her head making ghost noises! Best decision of my life.

Oh god, I don't know what to do.

Yes wildbill, clearly the OP cynically planned this, right down to faking looking for support/advice on an anonymous forum

Many people think FUCK when they realise they are having a baby, planned or not. Unless the OP was poking holes in condoms the boyfriend shares responsibility for the pregnancy.

Good Luck OP. Great that your new partner is supportive. Stranger things have happened than for a strong relationship to be forged under unusual circumstances.

Thanks for (most of) the posts, I hadn't decided this morning when I first posted, but my head is a lot clearer, thank you.

Interesting Wildbill, I must be a masochist then if I get pregnant accidentally in the middle of studying then go through the emotional turmoil of deciding whether it not to keep the baby, a decision that either way will change my/our lives.

But being interested in people, I'd love to hear your backstory and background, children etc if you care to share? I just sense some bitterness that's all. That is actually meant sincerely as much as you can believe a prospective solicitor and all!

Thanks hanging and twinkle - I actually handled telling him quite badly;I was in shock and made up my mind to have a termination before telling him. We did talk it through and agreed, but I probably let it somewhat, unintentionally. I was simply shit scared.

*led not let!

Just you wait - glad it worked out for you so well

I'm not sure we can tell that a termination would be his preference. I think most men (or relatives, or friends) would gulp, realise that they were in tricky territory and take their lead from the woman.

I agree that any decision should presume that he will be an absent father, but by the sounds of things that won't be the case.

If you stay with current partner and it gets serious, you may regret getting rid of this baby/ you could have more kids together and look at them and think of the baby you terminated. This baby could bring you closer together and end up being a wonderful blessing. It could be a blessing even if things don't work out. Like your 5 year old dd is. Do you really want a termination, or is that just what you feel you should do because of the circumstances? If you want this baby, then have it. No ones opinion matters but yours, and the fathers. And he has already said he'll support you whatever you do.

Bloody hell lazy

Hi. You sound like you are shocked but know in your heart that you really want to keep it.So keep it. Clearly you are a loving Mum to two so you must be doing something right! Yes it may be a stretch but sounds like you have enough love to give. However, and I don't mean this in a critical way, but your comment about only two unplanned pregnancies being a sign your contraception is usually Ok doesn't sound v sensible. Especially if you know you are V fertile. You must take more care in future. Thats just the hand that nature has dealt you so you have to accept that and be doubly careful.

Thanks again for the replies. Yes - in my heart of hearts I do want to keep it, shock aside. And Vivacia - that is uncannily right, he did gulp and take his lead from me I think.

And I take on board what you said about contraception Primadonna; I should have been doubly careful. And contrary to what provocative Wildbill says, it wasn't a subconscious intentional thing!

How are you feeling today Mummy?

Hi prima, feeling okayish thanks.Talked it through with a friend and I'm swaying back towards not continuing with the pregnancy..I know it must sound like I'm all over the place . I am a bit.

There are so many other things to consider though. I (we) are all so happy again after a horribly abusive relationship. I'm scared about jeopardising anything for DC I already have. And I know it may sound clinical but finances do play a part; I wouldn't be able to finish studying soon..god feel like a cold hearted selfish cow saying that.

Had a long talk with him tonight, he was great again - said he would support whatever I decided to do but it sounds like we're in the same page, both would love to have the baby in many ways but just don't see how practically it could work. We left it that he said if I change my mind (and decide to keep the baby) that he would completely support that.
It's just horrible. Wish I could see into the future

Hi..the good thing is you can talk honestly to him about how you feel and it sounds like he's being open with you too. I think .. Whatever you decide.. It sounds like a choice made out of love if you see what I mean and therefore there no " wrong" one.

Thanks again prima, really helps actually to look at it that way x

I got pregnant at 19 four months into a relationship and went on to have another accident. Relationship lasted 12 yrs and my two children were not planned. Your a loving mother and your new man is treating you the way you want and deserve. I didn't have an abortion because I knew I couldn't live with the decision to terminate.
Its a hard decision to make.
Its your body and its you and not the father who will be living with the emotions if you choose to terminate.