Friend came out

[susannahmoodie]

I have a friend from work, I like and respect her, she works in a diff dept but I got to know her as we were on mat leave at the same time, she was a single parent. We hadn't seen each other for ages so we went out for a drink and chat last night. She ended up telling me that she is now in a relationship with a woman.

I didn't really know what to say, because it doesn't make any difference to me at all, obviously, although I think it was quite a big thing for her to tell me as she says she can't speak to anyone else at work about it as our workplace is an oddly traditional context.

I now feel like I handled it badly by not really knowing what to say, except that sympathising that it must be hard for her to feel that she cant discuss her personal life at work. I texted her to say I'd had a good night and enjoyed her chat but didn't mention it specifically, but know I think she'll maybe think I'm avoiding the subject...what kind of thing do I say to be supportive but at the same time acknowledging that the gender of her partner is not something that matters to me in the slightest....??

Just say what you've written.

You're glad that she feels able to share with you but the gender of her partner makes no difference to you whatsoever.

You handled it fine. She's seeing someone new and it happens to be a woman. No biggie really. If she wanted a big discussion about 'the whole rough and tumble of gay life' as Father Ted might have put it, I'm sure she'd have said so.

I agree, your reaction sounds just fine. It might have felt more awkward if you'd made a big deal of it. What you said makes your feelings really clear/ that to you her relationship is no big deal, but that the possible difficulties for her surrounding it, do matter to you. You sound like a good friend to have.

You handled it right. It's her business but obviously it's hard for some people to hear. Just be glad she valued your friendship enough to confide in you.

I fell out with a friend for a short time after she came out to me. I was completely ok with it and she felt I should have come and found her the next day and made a big deal of being fine about it. I found it completely baffling and said to her that I wouldn't go an congratulate someone for being straight so it would be weird to do it for her being gay, she hadn't thought of it like that. Anyway, I guess I'm saying you may need to do something else to acknowledge and accept.

Don't be scared to mention her relationship, next time you see her maybe ask her a question or two about her partner. This tell her you're comfortable with it. If you are close enough friends you could also suggest a get together with partners as well?