Keeping it together

[maltatheterrible]

I have been considering starting a thread asking for tips on keeping it together as a couple after 1st baby arrives, after reading Jabberwocky's Did Having Kids Ruin Your Relationship? thread I am now really worried.
DH and I have been togther for 10 years, I'm 28, he's 39 and our first child is due in Feb. Any words of wisdom regarding keeping it together please, this is no.89 on my list of things to worry about!!

Buy the book Babyshock by Elizabeth Martyn, make sure both of you read it pre birth.

Having a baby does make a big change to any relationship and this will help you to discuss some of the potential issues, wish I had read it pre rookiebaby. We had only been together about 18mths when I got pregnant so I do miss our relaxed times together but because of my age we didn't want to wait. As you have been together 10 years you will hopefully have a lot of happy pre baby memories.

I didn't read the other thread, but the first couple of months are a real period of adjustment. Sleep deprivation, housework & baby and complete lack of sex drive on one or both partners side doesn't do a great deal for a healthy partnership. The good news is that 6 mths on I love DH more than I ever did and I am sure you will be fine as well. Good luck !

work together looking after your baby - if you end up doing everything you'll be tired out.

Sleep as much as you can when bubby sleeps.

Don't critisise (spelling?) how he does things with/for bubs. He will do things different. Don't shut him out, let him help and ask him for help.

Make him part of the routine with bubs ie he does evening bath/bed/bottle etc whilst you catch 10 minutes break and then do tea together.

Remeber that you do love him and he you even if you want to kill each other in the first 3 months (next 20 years). Tell him this and give him a cuddle so he knows he hasn't been completly replaced by bubs.

Good luck (-:

wow,thanks for replies so far, it's great to have some feedback as we are so looking forward to it and I'd like to be aware of any major pitfalls before we start.
We have discussed it a bit, and he has said he would like to "be responsible" for the whole bath, bedtime routine so i will try to let him do it on his own and not criticise. We don't have a "normal" social life i.e. pubs/clubs, so i don't know how different our lives will be - but I think I can wave goodbye to my 11am lie ins for a while (15 years?)

Take it in turns. I have a lie in Sat and Dp has one Sun.

To be honest I am a bit naughty and try to arrange my lie in for the morning after a night out (-:

I know DS is now 5.5 years old but one of us gets up with him shuts the bedroom door and goes off, does the breakfast/morning routine and plays quietly for a few hours.

You may find it hard at first as most mums want to go to their bub when they are crying but it would be good practice for DH as well (-:

Accept his help and ask for it if he doesn't offer. He might not realise how much more you have to do.

Remember that babies require you to sit and feed them for 8 hours a day, tell your DH as this is the same as a working day, 7 days a week, without washing, dressing, nappy changing, rocking and playing with your baby.

Don't feel a failure if you haven't cooked or done housework, get a takeaway, get friends and relatives to help with the housework. This is a temporary situation and something has to give.

Take breaks. Get DH to care for your baby for an hour so you can nap or go for a walk. When your baby is older get babysitters and get some time with DH.

Make your baby fit around your life, not vice versa. Your baby joins your life, you don't join his/hers.

Make allowances for each other.

Remember it takes a year or two for your body to get back to normal and don't expect to look like a supermodel 6 months down the line.

Definately include him and don't be possissive of the baby, partly because you need the break and also because he needs the time with his child. So many of my friends didn't let the DHs near their first child and it has definately put pressure on their relationships. Also make time for each other and remember the child will leave you one day (hopefully!) and your DH is your life partner.

I am optimistic about DHs attitude to baby, as he is very condeming of his work mates who get stroppy when asked to 'babys'it' for the evening. His current view is that is OUR child, not MY child and being left on his own with it should not warrant a round of applause (try telling his mother that)
I wonder if I should get this stuff down on tape?!