married but in love with my friend.

[schoolingsociety]

I am a married man 36 years old been with my wife for 16 years now, married for 5. About 10 years ago I became clse friends with a girl I worked with I guess I was kind of in love with her, certainly if we had both been single I would have made a move but we were both involved and so we just became good close friends and things settled down into a long term friendship lasting to this day. Then early this year she split up with her long term guy and got her life together, she lost a lot of weight and looked incredible, better than ever and I did feel attracted to her a lot. Then she got together with one of my friends a really nice guy who has been single forever. They seem happy and I should be please but I am not at all. I am eaten up with jealousy and longing for her, I love her and always have and it just kills me to think of her with someone else. Its like I had resigned myself to things as they were because she was with someone when we met but now I feel like she should be mine. Its a horrible, intrusive primal feeling and it makes me hate myself. I do care for my wife but I never felt anything like this for her. Its just a bad situation. I am so close to confessing to my friend how I feel about her but am scared it will ruin everything.

You're just infatuated because someone else has got her. Leave her alone to enjoy her new relationship.

Your poor wife. If your not happy why don't you separate ?

The only factor that matters here is that you're married, and you've been with her for 16 years. Deal with your marriage first. If you want out - then end it and stop lying to the poor woman. Let her find someone who is honest and truly loves her. If you don't want a divorce then focus on rebuilding the love in your relationship and get over your little crush. But whatever you do, stop behaving like an infatuated, hormonal teenager who can no longer contain himself just because the OW has lost some weight and looks "better than ever".

So you only became infatuated with her after she lost some weight? You sound a real catch OP.

You can probably make this 'infatuation' go away if you tell your wife about it. Whilst it's in your head it seems romantic and dramatic. Once it's out there you will realise that it's just a silly crush. You will probably feel foolish telling your wife but at least you won't be stuck in this unrealistic fantasy.

Mom2K has hit the nail on the head. Do that.