Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Right, so if a colleague...

63 replies

Woozlebear · 05/12/2014 01:03

At a Christmas party, sat you down and said you looked fantastic, and you always looked fantastic because you dress in a way that's true to yourself, and then had a long drunken heart to heart about various things, then vaguely suggested lunch, then kissed your hand before wandering off, would you think:

  1. very drunk, forget it
  2. eccentric kindred spirit
  3. making a move

Hetero male colleague, I should add. And at pains to state he is in happy relationship. Knows I am married. We don't know each other that well but have worked together more closely recently and have had some random conversations about beliefs opinions etc in recent weeks. I think there's always been a sense that we're both a bit different in a similar way. But nothing more than that.

I genuinely don't know how to read it. I've had very nice friendships in the past with guys who everyone else dismissed as creepy or coming on to them, and where there has been nothing of the sort.

I'm lacking in faith in my judgment because I recently discovered that everyone thinks another male colleague who I thought I had a nice friendship with fancies me.

Part of me thinks I must just be really naive, part of me feels sad that it all has to be seen to boil down to sexual attraction.

OP posts:
LosingTheWillToSkate · 05/12/2014 18:52

I think you WANT him to fancy you.

Lots of people have posted saying it's just drunken ramblings, something loads of us do. And you keep posting about how it must be something deeper.

HumblePieMonster · 05/12/2014 18:57

Forget it and move on.

Vivacia · 05/12/2014 19:03

I think I'm alone in this, but this thread just makes me feel very uncomfortable.

BOFster · 05/12/2014 19:50

In what way, Vivacia?

Woozlebear · 05/12/2014 20:19

Vivacia it's making me uncomfortable too! I overthink absolutely everything, all the time. And today I'm very tired and hungover. And paranoid after finding out that my judgment in such matters is completely out of kilter with everyone around me. As a result I'm blowing it out of proportion and people are reading all kinds of things into why I'm doing that. Which is not helping with what I wanted to know - so I'm going to stop.

I think I asked the question from the wrong angle. It should have been 'how do I behave now, as friendly as before, or back off?', which would have sounded a lot less emotionally loaded.

OP posts:
Tobyjugg · 05/12/2014 20:43

If you're still reading OP, I'll answer your new question, if I may.

Q. How do I behave now?

A. In exactly the same way as you did before.

Drunken comments at an office Xmas party mean nothing.

dirtybadger · 05/12/2014 20:45

Act as you did before. Even if you fancies you, you dont fancy him and you're not giving him the come on so there's no threat of an EA developing. If you start to fancy him, change your plan. If he becomes inappropriate despite you being professional report him to HR. Done.

Also if you're only alone once every couple of weeks dont worry about it- that's not too intense.

Vivacia · 05/12/2014 21:47

Hard to put it in to words - too much protesting, too much faux naïveté (sorry OP) and too much emotional energy being spent on this other man.

AnyFucker · 05/12/2014 21:50

Impressive use of accent marks there, Viv

BuggersMuddle · 05/12/2014 23:14

Act as you did before. Don't give any hints that you're interested (I am assuming you are happily married?).

I've had all kinds of weirdness over the years, but the fundamental doesn't change:

Are you committed to your partner? Can you communicate that to the other bloke?

If so, no issue, surely? I'm hardly a Victoria Secret Angel, but I have politely chased the odd bloke in the last 12 years on account to being committed to Mr Buggers Smile

TheChandler · 05/12/2014 23:56

...I'd wonder why I was unable to escape a drunken desperate attached man looking for a bit of excitement on the side at the works Christmas party.

Normally, you nip these things in the bud/don't take them too seriously.

Are you desperate for male attention?

Why did you let him "sit you down", stay talking to a drunk for so long, kiss your hand, etc.?

What a silly thread.

cerealqueen · 06/12/2014 00:02

OP, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Wonc · 06/12/2014 00:54

If Anne Steele from Sense and Sensibility was on MN...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page