Husband told me tonight I had no self respect and that the house was more often than not a mess

[Missushb]

Fed up to the back teeth with him. I work part time so apparently I've got loads of time to clean tidy cook wash etc. I'm fuming and quite hurt. We have a two year old, of course the place is going to be messy. Not dirty, but messy with toys and stuff. He will never sit or stand and have a conversation with me, no bloody conversation at all actually, unless he's moaning about the state of the house. I get dinner ready as soon as I get in from work, it's bloody non stop until I put our son to bed. But all I get is how messy the house is! We both do chores (his favourite fucking word!) but it's still not good enough.

Kill him x

Make him do the housework first though.

Completely stop doing all chores and then he'll notice what you really do.

Tell him if he would like it tidier then he's welcome to sort it out. If you had the time outside of working and looking after a 2 year old to do it you would. If he doesn't want to tidy himself and you don't have the time to do it, tell him to get a cleaner if he wants it to a higher standard.

Tell him you respect yourself too much to listen to his moaning anymore. If he doesn't like the mess he can clean it himself!

so why isn't he tidying it, presumably he lives there and is not some overgrown teenager. obviously he has no self respect or else whe would not live like it. you just have more improtant priorities... ie your dc.

Er...what's the state of the house got to do with your self-respect? What about his self-respect?

The housework doesn't become your sole responsibility just because you work 'part'-time (+ 2 yo to look after also). If its not 'good enough' then he can damn well do something about it, can't he?

My ex husband was like this (notice the ex bit!). It was bloody hurtful and really got me down. But those comments and criticisms came with so many other complaints, aggressive outbursts, hurtful remarks and so on.... Is this out of character for your partner? What else is he unhappy about? More importantly why does nt he see that it's as much his home and responsibility as yours!? Sexist pig!

Tell him you work part time out of the home, full time in the home, so you have a full time job which actually never really ends.

He works full time out of the home which ends when he gets in. He then has "chores". He has the most spare capacity, presumably earns more, so it's up to him to find the solution. This would either be getting off his lazy entitled arse and doing his bit (not "helping you", it's his house and child too) and/or paying for a cleaner.

Alternatively, stick the mop handle up said arse and see how quickly he can clean the kitchen floor !!

What does he do when he gets in from work? And do you have equal down time at weekends?

Translation: Your husband just told you that he has no respect for you, and has very sexist ideas about what your 'role' is within the relationship.

Translation: Your husband just told you that he has no respect for you, and has very sexist ideas about what your 'role' is within the relationship

This

In addition to what others said, as it is your house and your responsibility, then you get to decide who lives there...

Oh he's a prince, isn't he?

A few thoughts....

He pulls his weight.
He pays for a cleaner.
He drags his sorry arse out of the 1950s into 2014?

And you are together because.....

Not trying to get flamed, but are you happy with the state of the house? Do you feel you are pulling your weight?

Usually guys like this are demanding jerks, but I have seen a couple of exceptions where the wife doesn't pull her share and the husband is unhappy (but it sounds jerky if he complains!).

Can you talk to him rationally about the division or are the comments about self respect trying to put you down?

It's exhausting trying to please someone who is deliberately setting things up so that they are never happy. So don't waste time trying. Stand up to the bullying.... because that's all it is.