embarrassed myself at work

[greatlymortified]

Ok so I have name changed here because I am so embarrassed. I used to be quite wild and am finding life as a grown up stifling sometimes. I am married to a nice guy and have a toddler but am finding parenthood quite difficult and stressful, and have been finding juggling work and home draining and home life has become monotonous. Recently I joined a new company and don’t get on with my boss so have felt quite isolated. I sit by a real jack the lad who I thought was a laugh but this progressed into flirting. I started to enjoy the attention and was flirting back, right in front of everyone else in the office. There were Facebook messages sent and he tried to get me on my own in the pub a couple of times. I was enjoying the attention and forbidden-ness of it all but don’t think I would have done anything else. I just thought it was perceived by our colleagues as banter but then someone warned me to be careful. So now all flirtations have ceased, I am still sitting next to this guy and can’t even look at him, it is so embarrassing and there is now a horrible atmosphere between me and him. I think we both know we did wrong, and to be honest I don’t even like him as a person so it’s doubly embarrassing. I am being really quiet now and am sure everyone has noticed we were all chatty and now we don’t even speak. How can I act normal in the office, and with him, and start to get back on a better footing? Is a horrid atmosphere every day, and totally embarrassing. I do love my husband but was just having a week or two of insanity. Help.

It will pass

It's your punishment for being an arse

Well, the biggest positive here is that nothing happened between you and this guy. If it had, your situation would be a lot worse. As it is, the worst that has happened is that you and this guy aren't speaking and you feel a degree of embarrassment and possibly self-loathing for flirting whilst a married woman - poor dh etc.

All you can do is wait for it all to pass. It will. I bet nobody in the office is thinking about it as much as you are and I bet the guy involved isn't either. My advice is sit tight wait for it all to blow over and at the same time pull on your learning cap and see what this episode has taught you about yourself, your marriage and what you would differently in the future.

Be careful about what?

This reads to me like you might have left some very important info out of your thread? Did anything happen?

Lots of people flirt at work but unless its inappropriate or it goes beyond flirting then I cant quite understand why it's all so embarassing. The odd flirtatious remark is harmless but you seem very unhappy and resentful of your life. You chose to get married and chose to have a child. You can't just jeopardise that because it's boring and tedious. It's called growing up and yeah it's quite often dead boring I'm afraid.
If it was just harmless flirting then perhaps just say to the guy, or email him, and say that it all got a bit out of hand but hopefully you can both move on now and just have a decent, professional relationship with each other. These things blow over. You might be the office gossip today but in a day or so it will be someone else so try and draw a line under this episode in your life.

Provided nothing happened, then time is your friend. It will all be forgotten when a new "scandal" blows up to take people's minds off the job. Stick in there and you'll be OK. Eventually.

I have been on the other side of your current situation and by that I mean I am the dw of a man who has been involved in inappropriate 'friendships' with women he works with. Started off as banter, then flirting and then messages highly inappropriate from a married man. When I found out I went ballistic and it nearly ended out marriage. Ultimately what he was venturing into was an emotional affair. He 'supposedly' has had a conversation with the most recent woman and told her he has to stop anything but work related contact for the sake of our marriage. We are still struggling to deal with the fall out from this. Yes, he feels embarrassed at work because it has created a different and difficult atmosphere but that is the 'price he has to pay'
I'm not posting this to upset you as I can understand how hard it must be but you will get over it.

Am I missing something, did anything actually happen aside from some flirting and banter? If not, I wouldn't worry about it, just get on with your work normally.

Agree with pp that time will mend this. Just keep your head down. I find office flirtatious a bit excruciating at any time but when I know either party has partners and children then I really do take a dim view. You're new, so just now concentrate on work and and forging better relationships with other colleagues and I'm sure this will be forgotten in time.
Do you have a decent spread of time off over Christmas? If so that may serve as a useful memory barrier in a way for a fresh start come the new year.

Is there no middle ground between flirting & not speaking?

Or can you not manage to speaking unflirtingly to each other?

You'd better start getting used to life as a grown up because... newsflash.... you're only going to get older. So you've made a fool of yourself? Who hasn't from time to time? Nothing you can do about the past but park the embarrassment, get on with your job (which you should have been doing in the first place), treat Mr Jack the Lad politely, and find other, more appropriate. ways to bring some fun and excitement into your boring life

Mmm, cringe...

I also think some detail has been left out of this - fair enough, as it's obviously really embarrassing.

It will all blow over. But yeah, take it as a learning opportunity. Overt flirting - to the extent people are telling you to be careful - when you're the newbie amd everyone knows you have a family at home, is misguided, to say the least.

Meh, move on. You haven't cheated. At least you have boundaries, which you have tested.

Be polite and civil to your colleague.

What actually happened then? Because going from banter to nothing seems somewhat extreme.

Getting flirtatious and realising you've crossed a line isn't ideal but it isn't unique either. Assuming you stopped before it went further put it down to stupidity.

But I'm thinking it did go further in which case a bit of office embarrassment is the least of your worries