My colleague is a narcissist

[lovesmycake]

I have just been reading a MIL thread and had a lightbulb moment my colleague is a narcissist.

He believes he is more intelligent then everyone and is always always right, even when I have challenged him directly about something that is right he then backtracks and spins a story to make out he was right all along.

He can tell two different things to two different people and when challenged on it will just keep spinning the story to make out he was in the right all along. (this was my lightbulb moment!)

He doesn't listen and in meetings or conversations just keeps talking over people louder and louder without ever actually listening to anything anyone else says. We have lots of phone meetings with the rest of our team (based in another city) and I see him just desperately waiting to make his point without listening.

He is overly involved and controlling in everything work or personal, he recently insisted that I should get a swimming pass to a swimming pool 40 mins away from where I live because it was such a good offer. Even when I explained why I wouldn't he just kept on insisting over and over like I was stupid until I gave in and 'pretended' to agree with what he was saying.

He talks to me like I'm an idiot constantly (not just me he treats everyone like this)

Everyone dislikes him, my boss has never completed any evaluations with me (always tells me to fill them in myself and he will sign them) and I suspect this is because he doesn't want to ask me about my job because he knows I will talk about my colleague and he will have to deal with it. When I had been with the company a year my boss also sent me an email praising me for managing to 'manage' the guys in my office. (Which I think was a reference to my difficult colleague)

The thing is I work with this person directly every day and he really really annoys me and stresses me out so I guess I'm wondering now I have had my lightbulb moment what can I actually do about it, it's not as if I can LTB !! Currently I ignore him as much as I can and try to undertake projects on my own without involving him (very difficult as we are a team of three and the other person works from home most day's after he told our boss that he cannot cope with being in the office due to unreasonable colleague). This works until I just get so pissed off I get angry and challenge him, I never win :(

So what are coping mechanisms for Narcissists?

My dh likes to be right i wonder if hes your colleague. If i bring him up on anything arguments get really bad and i 'don't' respect him because i haven't bowed down to his opinion.

You can disengage emotionally and I recommend you do that i.e. not take this man's behaviour personally or allow it to bring you down, affect your work etc. What you can't do is disengage professionally. The man is a colleague and not a superior, his behaviour can't be good for whatever business it is that you are in and you are going to have to get shot of him somehow. He doesn't sound particularly intelligent so I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to build a dossier of mistakes he makes, people he has insulted, customers he has offended or whatever. Take that with you when you meat his manager and, if necessary, copy people higher up. He's a liability

What Cog said.

Plus, if you can record him throwing things around the office, that could easily add up to instant dismissal for gross misconduct.

A spineless manager might find that easier because he won't have to manage the person any longer. If he is intimidated by your colleague, he might be frightened of dealing with the idiot after he has been given final warnings.