Asking for feedback in understanding my MIL and hopefully be civil and caring

[FrancisdeSales]

I know, another MIL thread!

My MIL is not a full on Narcisscist but she does have certain tendencies, in fact maybe I need to do a bit more research. I have been married 18 years and my MIL is in another nation, and I am not in the UK. She is traveling to stay with us for 6 weeks (I know) which I agreed to.

She can be good company, fun and with a GSOH. She raised a great son and we are happily married. However she has tendencies like wanting us to sort of parent her and take responsibility for her (in fact she regularly tries to persuade my DH to buy her a house, although we do not own a house at the moment) and at certain times she has exploded at me, one time on the phone when I was in the hospital alone with a seriously ill baby. I am good at maintaining boundaries so she knows she cannot push me or manipulate me although she guilt trips DH on a regular basis.

She is not arriving for a couple more weeks, I am not sure what I am asking here maybe just steeling myself? After reading another thread on here I thought I would start my own as I think she is trying to persuade DH to let her sleep in our living room rather than the guest apt 5 min drive away. I will talk to DH about it and that will get sorted but I am getting hints of what to expect on the horizon.

I suppose I am looking for some emotional support? Or opening a thread that could run for the next 2 months??!

Is she South African? This really does feel like a description of every South African MIL I've ever met with greater or lesser versions of each issue. It would be funny if it wasn't a bit worryingly weird!

I think you are handling this very well. I also have an MIL who turns up for a month or more at a time, who broadly I like and who has a great relationship with DH and DS. I am genuinely happy she will be here this year over Christmas and am looking forward to it.

BUT... the relentless of having someone in your space. The difficulty of dealing with a grown woman who somehow seems to revert to childhood when in the home of her children (particularly sons - MIL actually cooks and cleans at SIL's house and can be quite helpful which doesn't happen at our house, even when its just her and DH). The constant feeling that they want something from you - emotionally, physically, financially. It is tiring.

In our case, MIL is also a bit of a spender, but in her defense, she wouldn't dream of taking money from us and a lot of the problem is her desire to treat us. But it adds an extra stress for us becuase we know she can't afford to do certain things she insists on doing anyway.

All I can suggest is keep posting, and have a rota of friends who are in place to do emergency last minute evening drinks. I've already got a couple of drinks set up with friends who also have family staying over Christmas and we're all prepared for a rant!

Good luck!

PS also be very grateful that your DH is supportive. So is mine. It makes all the difference.