Fake it till you make it?

[cleowellington]

Seeing a new guy - a year and a bit after my ex boyfriend. My ex and I weren't together long (4 months) but I feel like I'm still not fully over him. He won't speak to me and I don't know why. Anyway new guy is lovely. Clearly into me. I do like him. But my mind keeps drifting to my ex. I feel like I'm sabotaging myself! I've been trying to be enthusiastic in the hope that I will feel it. Anyone experienced this? I obviously don't want to hurt new man. He's a really lovely top chap. Advice would be appreciated!

The idea that he is no longer interested is bugging you. I don't why you expect him to speak to you. He has moved on and wants a new life. If he wanted to speak to you he would.
New man sounds into you. Maybe you want what you can't have. Give it a go and see what happens. If he ended it would you be chasing him as well ?

I might sound a bit harsh here but faking it 'til you make it doesn't apply in this situation.

If you are still thinking of the previous guy to this extent, then it's not fair on your new man. Faking it doesn't mean keeping someone on side in the hope that you will start to feel something special for them.

Let him go, it's not fair on him. Maybe spend some time getting over the other man first.

Tricky. I sometimes think there is some truth in getting under someone to get over someone but if it isn't working, I would say do the decent thing and cut the nice guy loose before he gets hurt.

And then work on why you are finding it so hard to get over your ex. What is stopping you from moving on? Are you still trying to contact him? You need to accept he doesn't want contact and leave it be. He doesn't deserve you to be still pining for him. Concentrate on you, figure out how to be happy with yourself and then get back on the dating scene when you are ready

No. I'm not trying to contact him. I know it's over. It kind of ended weirdly and he had been quite full on. Drumdrum60 's comment resonated with me. I wonder if I would?. I remember feeling doubtful when I was seeing my ex. I think I'm frightened of commitment (got married young and together 15 years when it ended because he cheated). Maybe I just have unresolved issues! :-(