My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

abusive parents attacked me.

162 replies

NC090 · 30/11/2014 20:51

Namechanged for this.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this and I have called my DH to come home but didn't really tell him why over the phone. I need you all to calm me down a bit please.

So background
My father was abusive growing up and my mother not only used to ignore it but if she could see he was in a mood she used to tell him that I had been bad so he would take it out on me rather than her. My parents were and still are very respected and admired in the village were I grew up and were they still live.

DH is black and my father in particular was disgusted when he discover we were dating. When I was a teenager I met my DH and his family who have been great with me. We married and have two DCs who are beautiful. We live about 25 minutes car journey from my parents.

We have no contact with my parents and hadn't spoken to them since DC2 was born 4 years ago. When we have bumped into them we ignored them. The DCs don't know them they just know that we don't see then as they aren't very nice people.

So to today
I am 15weeks pregnant we have been trying for a few years so we are really excited. We told the DCs last weekend and then we told family and friends.

Today in the morning whilst me, DH and the DCs are in the local park we see my parents on a bench. They seemed like they had been their for a while as they had blankets and rucksacks with them. When they saw us they started to get up but we were already leaving as we told the DCs we had forgotten something and went back home to make cakes instead.

Then DHs aunt calls to tell us that my mother has been to theirs saying that they want to talk to us. They don't know we're we live so they went to aunts hoping she would tell them. She wouldn't and my mother left.

Then an hourish ago DH had gone to work. DCs were playing upstairs with me . I thought I heard the door opening so went downstairs and my parents were standing in the hallway. I turned to go back up the stairs and my mum begged me to just wait and hear them out.

She said that someone had told them that I was pregnant so they had come to talk to me. They had asked around and someone told them were we lived. I told them to go and I was going upstairs to call the police. My father said I had to talk to them. He told me that my grandmother was dead and they felt I should know. I asked when they said 3 months ago. They were trying to decide when to tell me and when they heard they had to tell me. I asked how they told me.

I told him to go now please. They said no.I turned to go upstairs and my dad lunged for me grabbed my top and pulled me back. I told him to get off. He told me to stop and listen so I said I would. He kept hold of me and made me walk back downstairs. He then went on started going on about the mistakes I had made and how I had wreaked his respectability in the village he was nearly whispering in a very low threatening voice.

I begged him to let go so he pinned me to the wall and ran his hands down my body and squeezed in between my thighs. And almost on instinct really I slapped him across the face. Then it's a bit of a blurr he punched me and my mum pulled him away and told him I would call the police. He said I wouldn't . Then I could hear DC1 screaming. My father pulled away and they both ran to the car.

I calmed DC1 down and she is now asleep in my arms and I am waiting for DH to come and I have locked and barricaded the door but I can't stop shaking and I haven't looked at myself yet to see if it's a mess or not and I can't believe I hit him because he will use it against me.

I need you all to calm me down and help me think rationally what the hell should I do to protect my babies.

OP posts:
Report
Whereisegg · 30/11/2014 22:05

Another believer here op Thanks
Do you need medical attention?

Report
MistAndAWeepingRain · 30/11/2014 22:06

I believe you OP.

The Police will too.

Your parents sound despicable.

Report
Dilligufdarling · 30/11/2014 22:08

I believe you.
You need to have this logged with the police if nothing else.
Have you ever reported any of their abuse before?

Report
DragonRojo · 30/11/2014 22:10

call the police as soon as your husband arrives. They will believe you. Have you got any physical marks of his attack. don't let his social status scare you off. Show him that you will not tolerate this anymore

Report
SassySugarCane · 30/11/2014 22:13

Oh my god what a bastard.

I believe you as well OP and the police will too. Please do call them.

Report
SuchSweetSorrow · 30/11/2014 22:15

Here for you OP Flowers

Report
peasandlove · 30/11/2014 22:18

Vile and disgusting act your father has done. You must report them

Report
CommanderShepard · 30/11/2014 22:19

I believe you.

Report
qazxc · 30/11/2014 22:24

I believe you.
And I cannot think of a story that he could tell to explain away what he has done, he is just hoping he has enough of an emotional hold on you that you will keep quiet.
The fact that you slapped a man that was sexually assaulting you will not be held against you.

Report
CinziaLovesTheStars · 30/11/2014 22:25

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please take whatever steps you need, to keep yourself and your family safe. The sheer terror you must have experienced makes me very sad for you Flowers

Report
zeddybrek · 30/11/2014 22:26

What a horrible man, I'm sorry you had to experience this. You must report him. Here for you. Thanks

Report
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/11/2014 22:28

You have people to corroborate that you have no contact with them and did not want them to have your address. Your account is believable. I'm so sorry, has your father abused you sexually before? He sounds like a total scumbag. I hope the police are with you now Flowers

Report
ChippingInAutumnLover · 30/11/2014 22:29

What a nasty pair :(

I hope your DH is home now and you have called the police.

Report
Mandatorymongoose · 30/11/2014 22:31

I believe you OP.

I know phoning the police can seem quite a frightening step and (from personal experience) the tirade of posts telling you to do it can be quite overwhelming but it is the right thing to do. Please try to treat it as if these were the actions of a stranger. If a strange man broke in to your house and assaulted you you wouldn't fear that the police would think you were lying, you wouldn't think that they'd see slapping him as anything but self defence.

I hope your DH is with you now, look after yourself, this must have been a terrible shock Thanks .

Report
Coyoacan · 30/11/2014 23:08

Just read this, how awful for you, OP. Actually even if the police were to believe that you hit your father first, nobody, but nobody should hit a pregnant woman, even under severe provocation.

Report
peachgirl · 30/11/2014 23:22

I believe you OP. Please get this logged with the police. I hope your DH is with you now Flowers

Report
cestlavielife · 30/11/2014 23:30

Please call the police and tell them why you slapped him in Self defence.
Report them before your father makes some story and reports you...

Report
26Point2Miles · 30/11/2014 23:33

Good job your DH was out then!

Report
uurrghhhhhh · 30/11/2014 23:37

Poor you op. Call the police

Report
diggerdigsdogs · 30/11/2014 23:48

I believe you too OP. You poor love x

Report
DairyNips · 30/11/2014 23:55

Some of the neighbours may have had your parents knocking on their doors to find you.. So if the police ask around that will be more evidence they didn't know where you lived and had to ask to get to you!

Also, did you DC see him hit you?

They will believe you, don't worry x

Report
Anotheronesoon · 30/11/2014 23:57

Please phone the police. You might get to speak to my husband who works in this field. He and his colleagues that I have met are lovely, kind people dedicated to helping people like you. You don't deserve this and your father should be shamed!

Report
ilovelamp82 · 30/11/2014 23:59

I believe you too. At the very least I hope you can get some sort of restraining order in place so you can start to feel safe from this poor excuse of a human being.

The police will believe you. He's conditioned you to make you feel that he is important and well regarded and that you are not. Take our word for it even if you don't believe it. This is awful, so wrong and the police will believe you.

I hope you dh being home has helped.

Report
SolidGoldBrass · 01/12/2014 00:05

I believe you and so will the police. Right now there is a huge wave of awareness about abusive men and how they behave. Especially about abusive men who are 'pillars of the community.'
I hope your DH is home and looking after you. You poor girl. I wish you peace and strength.

Report
Ohfourfoxache · 01/12/2014 00:08

Please go to the police

Thinking of you x

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.