Dear lovely, smart women,
My relationship of 27 years with my husband ended four year ago when he left with someone else. It took me until now to actually date and I have been out on two (dinner) dates with two different guys.
Today I went for s second date with one of these guys, it was a lovely walk in the early morning in a beautiful setting. I don't fancy him but he was lovely and attentive, but at a certain point on the walk he zoomed in (briefly) for a big kiss. I was really shy / nervous about it and as soon as it wouldn't be weird, strode on boldly :-/ pretending it hadn't happened.
Afterwards we went back to his really nice house where he gave me nice coffee, warm bread and smoked salmon and at a certain point came in for a second cuddle on the sofa. I really panicked, and had to tell him that I found it difficult and was shy, and I left as soon as t was decently possible.
He was sweet and concerned about it and I found myself getting tearful (I don't think I showed it). And immediately after lunch I ran. He felt bad about it and felt it was his fault. I don't think he's the one for me but am shocked by my fearful, easily tearful reaction to a man coming into my space and it shocked me to see that I was so fearful to let another man into my 'space', presumably after being hurt.I don't yet know exactly how I felt but think this must be it.
I think I'm afraid to get involved with a man but would love to love and be loved. I spoke to a couple of kind friends about it, who want to see me happy and they kind of said just go for it. This doesn't feel like (all of the) the solution and I really want to know what you think… Help please!