Why do people do this?

[stayanotherday]

Hi

Why do some people complain of being very lonely and bored and constantly text but when you invite them to things and suggest meet ups they mess about?

I've had to stop bothering with two people lately who I've tried being friendly with and have suggested " how about coffee on Monday or lunch one day next week?" for example and they agree but on the day there's always some excuse or the arrangements get too complicated like 10 texts to meet up. It's always the same script and I really can't be doing with it anymore as I work full time, also full time carer and a house to run with no help from anybody. I have time for my friends and see them regularly but I can't cope with the stress of people like this. Now they haven't got my attention and I haven't suggested further arrangements they're panicking by texting 10 to 20 times a day and turning up at my workplace few times. It's out of order which I've made clear and then they're back to wondering why nobody bothers! This has happened a few times in the past too. I find it silly and immature. Why do some people make things impossible?

Because they're flaky fucks?

Or maybe they have social anxiety?

Idk, I have friends like that too. I've stopped bothering.

I haven't suggested further arrangements they're panicking by texting 10 to 20 times a day and turning up at my workplace few times

When you say "they" do you mean more than one person is acting like this? Or it's different behaviour to each of the two you mention. That is very odd - texting 10 times a day!!! - turning up at someone's work is particularly peculiar. If you have more than one person in your life behaving like this, it is probably a personality type you are attracting.

In answer to the first part of your question, if I do this (feign non-committal interest in meeting up and ultimately try to avoid it) it is usually with people I don't really like and don't actually want to see but are super-keen to see me. It's hard to say that to someone directly and unnecessary.

Fair point ronald! Self - I had one person doing it a while ago and another doing it recently. I think I must be attracting them. It is odd behaviour.

Just text back 'I've got a lot on, will give you a shout when things let up'.

10 - 20 texts a day and turning up at work is weird and full on.

Did you show that you were really annoyed? Maybe they feel you are angry at them and they want to explain.

I would be guilty of this. I suffer from anxiety and even though i really want to go on these things so I accept the invitation i often bottle out at the last minute. Especially if there are lots of people or people i don't know well. It does make life pretty lonely.

I did send a text like that Beryl. One of them then phoned at 10.30 at night asking me to meet for a coffee. I just said no as I can't keep making arrangments that aren't fulfilled. She said that her life is busy which is hard to believe when they constantly text. I repeated in that case it's not fair to keep making arrangements. She didn't contact me again. I didn't lose my temper or anything.

I'm sorry to hear that Lem, I've been there too and it is hard. That's why I didn't see people at the time. I think that's the case partly with the second lady but it's only a lunch or coffee with me for about an hour and she comes to town on the bus twice a week. She also visits her sister across the country.

Thanks for the replies. I'm obviously giving off certain vibes and it's putting me off making friends in future. The worst thing I met the second lady through a voluntary work group I've been helping at for years and the constant texting, following me around all the time when I'm there but making false plans has meant I've stopped going.

The other thing I would add is that human nature is to assume that everyone feels the way you do.

I get very wound up if people don't reply to me - whether emails/texts. I used to huff around in a "how incredibly rude they are" way. I used to think that everyone felt like this - but they don't. It was a real lightbulb moment to me to realise that not everyone thinks not replying is the height of rudeness. Some people are naturally more relaxed about stuff like this - and it's water off a ducks back to some people.

How upset you get about things like not replying, being late, last minute cancellations is very much a personality type thing and referable to what bugs you personally.

I like to plan; others like to be spontaneous. So there may be an element of your reaction being different to the people you are dealing with - neither is wrong or right - they are just different.

That's true but 10 - 20 texts a day is too much. If I didn't reply straightaway she would call me at home. Every time I replied there was another two or three messages. I don't mind if somebody cancels occasionally if something crops up we all have to do that, but not all the time.