I apologise for not being the anticipated demographic of this forum as a single childless student of 21 but I decided this would be a good place to post as he won’t look here for forum posts.
DB is 23 years old and has always seemed to have undiagnosed mental health problems and an abrasive personality from a young age. Panic attacks, unexplained rages and dabbles with mania and psychosis. DB and I come from an unstable family with a now deceased DF that was also mentally unstable in a similar manner and was abusive towards DM. DF has siblings with diagnosed personality disorders and are also unhinged in the same manner as DB. DM has severe bipolar involving frequent sectionings, previous suicide attempts and self-medication with alcohol.
After DF died when DB was 14, he became abusive towards both of us and frequently tantrummed and acted violent when he didn’t get his own way. Whenever DM left the house to do something like buy another bottle of wine, DB used to slap me until I turned red all over and revelled with a demonic smile whenever he got to bully or abuse me. Every single day, he enjoyed tormenting me with verbal abuse and well as gaslighting or controlling me. He’d act like a surrogate father such as unplugging the internet because I had too many baths per week or rip food out of my hands because I ate too much. Social services got involved when I was 14 because people saw bruises on me in the P.E changing rooms as well me telling teachers about it. After one visit from the student social worker, DM was told to drink less and DB was told not to hit me. Within twenty minutes of leaving, DM walked to the newsagent for a bottle of wine and DB started to slap me again.
I was suicidal and depressed the entire time as I was also dealing with school bullying and couldn’t even lock myself in my room because he’d still burst in to torment me. All the meanwhile DM would just stew in a drunken stupor with Olanzapine and white wine in her armchair.
After a while, the physical abuse subsided but the emotional, verbal and psychological abuse continued. He still insulted me every single day and teased me for being an ‘autistic spastic’ following my previous SENCO involvement for emotional and behavioural difficulties as well as dyspraxia. He’d still enjoy causing arguments for no reason and controlling me in an irrational manner but I was counting down the days before he went to university.
He went to university and did not massively enjoy it. He had a nervous breakdown after a girl rejected him in his second year and all at the same time I was doing my final A-Level exams and DM was sectioned. I had to spend my EMA and savings for university on looking after him and mollycoddle his anxiety.
All the while, DM was in psychosis and sending threatening texts to me and DF’s family including two aunts that were at that time heavily involved in our life. DM was disowned by DF’s family which might not seem important but they were exceptionally wealthy and donated money while she was on DLA and widow’s pension. I went to medical school and had an ambivalent relationship with my mother and spoke with DF’s family more. They supported me in my first year of university but the money quickly dried up when DB fell out of them in his first psychotic episode (mania).
He also sent insulting texts and was quickly disowned. I was disowned because I gave him money so he wouldn’t have to go to a food bank. However, I never exactly confronted them like he did. I just stopped speaking to them as they also mistreated me in the past, and I want to cut out anybody toxic in my life.
Unfortunately, he is toxic as well. I wish DB was a civil human being but with my armchair psychiatry and my eight week block in mental health, I’d happily give him a diagnosis of bipolar and NPD. With a differential diagnosis of being a complete cunt.
Luckily for me, I managed to avoid him but he has gotten particularly bad after failing a postgraduate qualification for a very competitive field. I just came home to visit this weekend and he caused a huge argument out of nowhere about me refusing to insult DF’s family over texts and facebook. He got even more annoyed when DM took my side in the argument and he stormed off. Now a day later, when he promised to pay for a birthday trip to a curry house, he has refused to take us and won’t speak to his “fat cunt of a sister” until Christmas. He threw a glass of lemonade at me and stormed off. I tried to placate him (as DM and I always have to to keep the house quiet) but he told me in no uncertain terms to fuck off.
My poor DM has to tolerate his behaviour year around. He loves to cause arguments and insult people close to him. He has to control everything and insults well-crafted dinners made by DM. If the potatoes turned out differently, he’ll insult her cooking skills or throw it in the bin. He demands that for £140 board a month that she makes him all his meals, packed lunches and does all his laundry and puts it in his drawers. We also have to massage his ego and any criticism of him turns into a bloody war.
I’m not looking forward for Christmas nor the summer when I have to return home because I can’t afford to move out. I tried in first year with disastrous results. I had to get in payday loan debt to avoid him. The university won’t help me and part-time work is impossible when I have to move every four months and work 9-5 in wards.
How do you tolerate toxic people when you can’t escape them?