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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Your sex life's history...

28 replies

CostaRicanBananas · 29/11/2014 13:31

DP and I had a falling out which is started with me voicing my concern over his previous 'soul mates' but which then progressed to the mattress in our bedroom and my sex life's history.

He had previously made reference to marks on the mattress which are actually ours - my mattress was in pristine condition when I moved to where we live and had seen pretty much no action, so to speak. From there, the conversation evolved to somebody I dated very briefly and DP was raging when I confirmed that I had slept with the person in question - we had been dating for a couple of months, it was hardly like I jumped in to bed with the guy. Anyway...DP is not himself at the moment and although he's still doing all the attentive things that he always does, I can see that the thought of me with somebody else is eating him up inside. He asked me this morning if I could put up with him being the way he is at the moment...mind you, this all happened last night!

How can I turn this around? I was thinking of giving him a boost and divulging the fact that my sex life in the past decade (or longer) was so appalling and that the last experience was such a let down, that it prompted me to 'go without' for over two years. All of which is true. Thoughts, please?

Thank you and a good weekend to you all :-) Cake Brew

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 30/11/2014 10:49

I just re-read your OP.

He has previously commented on marks on your mattress (really? REALLY?)

And you weren't comfortable about his "soulmate". Do you have an issue you need to address? Or has he been banging on about "Soulmates" in order to make you feel uncomfortable?

There are a few possible incidents adding up here. I don't like the feel of it.

SelfLoathing · 30/11/2014 12:54

Generally silence is the best rule when it comes to discussing previous sexual partners with men.

It is an area where there is no good answer; no right answer. Which ever way you cut it it's all bad.

Too many = you worry he thinks you're a slut; he worries that he is disposable. And he won't measure up.

Too few = you worry you look unattractive; he worries that these others were true soul mates and he won't measure up.

And yes this is a double standard area. But I'm afraid it is. It's not right that a lot of men (and women for that matter) have a different attitude to women having sex as compared to men. However, a lot do. And for that reason, no good comes of this type of investigation.

Any conversation around this stuff is no good at all. All you need to know is i. will you have safe sex with me and ii. from the point we decide to bin the condoms, do you agree to be monogamous and will you have an STD test.

getthefeckouttahere · 30/11/2014 14:53

Tell him he knocks all of the others into a cocked hat and move on. ( but keep a wary eye out for any other petty jealousys that rear there head.

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