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Original poster

why am i so paraniod

13 replies

gemilou · 15/04/2004 23:43

after 7 years of marriage, dh finally tells me that he bumped into his bestfriends very attractive younger sister nite before wedding. He insists that he told me about it but he never did. I dont want to talk to him about it cos Im not supposed to be jelious anymore

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 16/04/2004 00:03

bumped into ... what does that mean? and what started this confession?

Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 00:07

hes started a new job and was chatting about stag nites. He went out with his uncles stepdad brothers & sisters and just bumped into her. I didnt ask anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 00:08

I didnt think I was so insecure anymore, but now I just want to cry

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 16/04/2004 00:14

pllllease don't cry, i'll cry too!! It doesn't matter how long you've been married, when there appears to be some "revelation" it makes you doubt the trust in your relation. But generally comments like these, mean nothing to guys, but sooo much to us girls

littlemissbossy · 16/04/2004 00:14

sorry should have said relationship ... it's late ... should have previewed!!

Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 00:17

Im very tired too.It just that she is really pretty and he has known her longer then me. I dont want to talk to dh about it couse he thinks Ive grown out of insecurites couse weve been together for 10 years nearly

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 16/04/2004 00:23

Don't worry you are not alone in your reaction. I too have been with dh 10 years and if he told me that he'd bumped into gorgeous girl who he'd known for ages, I would feel jealous even if there's nothing to be jealous about. Maybe you should leave it a week or so ... and drop into conversation that you bumped into old boyfriend and went for coffee "you know for old times sake" ... don't supposed he'd like it either. Sometimes guys are just insensitive shits and do not understand how hurt we feel by passing comments like this

Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 00:26

i used to be really insecure. If he even glanced in a girls direction (i was 18 when we met) but I thought I was over that cos we are really really happy and have a good relationship. Its just brought back all my old problems

OP posts:
Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 00:29

nite littlemissbossy.thank you for listening. (hug)

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 16/04/2004 00:30

good night, sleep tight!

Original poster
gemilou · 16/04/2004 10:27

Does anyone think I should just ask him striaght out if anything ever happened

OP posts:
goosey · 16/04/2004 10:41

gemilou - what difference would it make to how you are together now if he said that something had happened? If you asked him outright and he said that nothing had happened would you trust absolutely that he was telling you the truth?
I would be the same as you I am sure and would feel very wobbly over this, but from what you have said I would guess that nothing did happen other than MAYBE high spirited congratulatory hugs and MAYBE a tipsy snog. No big deal especially as you have been married and have matured together for 7 yrs since then.
If you have no other reason to suggest he is anything less than devoted to you and your relationship together now, then I wouldn't get into it.

StripyMouse · 16/04/2004 10:57

I have got to say that if he genuinely didn?t tell you anything about it and something did happen, then he is being very unfair by telling you now - and if I were you, I would want some answers and hang the fact that after all this time you shouldn?t be jealous. Jealousy is only one tiny little issue here - what about the sense of betrayal, dishonesty, covering up so well for so long.., the presumption that you aren?t allowed to make a fuss because of the timescale etc. etc.
I would want to know exactly what had happened and when he thought he told you about it - the full truth or just casually dropped into conversation where you wouldn?t even pick up on him mentioning her name. I would also want to know exactly why he brought it up after all this time - conscience finally getting the better of him and feels he can?t carry on lying to you after all this time> If this is the case, i guess it could be seen as a fairly positive thing, that is, apart from the underhand way he has brought it up, making out you already knew and it is old news. It might be old news for him, but it isn?t for you and he should be sensitive enough to realise that you need time to get your head round it.
My advice would be, don?t let it fester away and leave it undiscussed, wait till you are feeling calm and in control of your emotions (well, as best as anyone could be when handling this type of thing) and make him sit down and talk it through. Explain how you feel and that the timescale doesn?t make the cofession null and void, just adds a few more questions and concerns. If you reach a stalemate about whether or not he did tell you, explain that in your eyes you are positive he hadn?t and so he needs to accept that regardless of what he said, it didn?t make much of an impact then and so it is unlikely you understood him correctly at the time - and that has to be partly his fault.
Of course, all of this is presuming there was anything to tell - you need to talk to him and find out before you tie yourself up in any more emotional knots. Good Luck

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