How do you rekindle the spark?

[BertieBrabinger]

Been married for 8 years, 1 DC (4). Really love my DH, he's funny and handsome and kind and a wonderful father. Never a dull moment. We have a great life together and I know I am very, very lucky.

BUT

Recently, I wandered into a shop to get something made and something about the man who runs it made my heart skip a beat. It's completely mad. I now have a huge crush on this totally random man (whose name I don't even know!) and am having some very wrong thoughts I have never ever had before.

Of course I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. But it got me thinking why is it so exciting? I have this incredible husband who I still quite fancy (obviously the shagging like rabbits of the first few years has abated a bit since DS) but thoughts about some random are making me feel all funny. I felt this way about DH once, how do I get this back? Or if not the exact thing, what can I do to get a bit more oomph back into things? Our marriage deserves it and so does DH. I'd probably be quite pissed off if he was entertaining saucy fantasies about the bird in the local coffee shop.

If anybody has any ideas please tell me. It has to be more than a trip to Ann Summers, right?

It might sound daft but I find really making an effort with a kiss is lovely. A gentle start, little nibble and get really into it. Makes a lovely tingle. And somehow proper kidding seems to wear off even if a couple is still having regular sex.

First thing, don't think that just because you're married you're not allowed to have little crushes on random strangers. Hearts skipping beats occasionally is what reminds you you're still human ... it's fun. No need for guilt.

How to get a bit of excitement back is a two way street. Sparkle is everyone's responsibility. Personally, I find that a bit of reminiscing can be a good start. Those 'do you remember that time when....' conversations can be a good springboard for recreating the fun of your pre-DC lives.

You can't control impulse reactions like that, all you can do is control your actions, and it doesn't sound like there's any risk of you doing anything wrong so don't stress about it.

A long term relationship will settle into something more comfortable and probably less exciting in some ways, but that's not necessarily a bad thing if you're still happily intimate. I agree with the poster above though, a great kiss is a brilliant start. After a bit of a rough period with DH we promised to have a good kiss every day, it brought the spark right back.