My husband and I have always had a rocky relationship. I've written asking for advice before. Things got to a point where I felt the need to say, and mean, if things didn't change we needed to end our marriage. Maybe something struck him as different because things were better, much better than they had been, for a long time. Well, until September really.
I'm not sure exactly what altered, it was subtle if there was anything, but I just became irritated that I didn't have the pass code to his phone. It had never even occurred to me before so I do wonder if I subconsciously picked up on a shift in his behaviour, although looking back I still can't see it as he's always attached to his phone. However, suddenly it bothered me that if I picked up his phone and asked to borrow it, instead of telling me the code, he'd take it back and unlock it then pass it back. Then one night, I saw him unlock it and something spurred me into writing down the code. I checked his phone when he'd had a drink and I knew he wouldn't wake. I'm not proud, in fact I hate the fact I did it and wasn't in the habit of checking it. There was nothing there. All ok. Except the next day, he nipped out for 5 minutes and left his phone charging. Something compelled me to check it again. And there were messages from that morning to a woman. The first asked if he'd overstepped the mark, telling her he thought she looked amazing. The next couple flattered her, saying she must have men all over her, then (as she was hungover) in two separate messages (in case she didn't get it the first time) he told her she needed good sex to feel better. Obviously, this caused seemingly endless arguments for a few weeks. He said he was just trying to make her feel better (which hurt as he very rarely compliments me), that the rest was jokey banter. Eventually I decided to believe him. Mainly because, whilst being a complete shit over the years in other areas, I've never had cause to suspect him of anything like this.
Fast forward to this weekend. We went out separately, had good nights respectively. Got in around the same time. And he began a huge argument about me being annoyed a few days ago (because everything domestic and child related falls to me and I was pissed off about it!). He hardly spoke to me yesterday, and this morning has been texting me demanding to know who the man I was speaking to was (I was speaking to a man, a friend of my friend. But not for any real length of time, and about our children), what his name is, asking me to fine this person on Facebook. Telling me I was nuts as there were a set of rules for him, one for me. That he was glad he knew 'the rules' now, he could talk to other women whilst out. I told him it sounded like he felt guilty about something and was projecting. Which didn't go down well.
I'm so tired of him treating me like I'm constantly sleeping around. I went out a few weeks ago (again, at the same time as him) and he didn't text or speak to me once. Until he got home first and I wasn't there. Then I go no end of phone calls, texts, name calling, telling me to sleep with as many people as I liked, and he left his key in the door so I couldn't get in. Sad part is, I'm so used to it I preempted his actions and took the side door key.
So now, despite me doing nothing untoward, I'm getting accusations and nastiness. Again. And he just brushes off what he did. And on top of that, someone I know must have reported back that I had a conversation with a male as there isn't another way he'd know about it. Because why would he? It was a conversation about my gorgeous with no physical contact in a packed pub.
He just somehow has a way of making me feel bad about myself.
Sorry, its so long and now I'm worried I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and me feeling wretched is me overreacting. Can't get a thought straight in my head.