Would you forgive this?

[Celestria]

I work as a bartender and have an OH of about 18 months.

On Saturday I was working and my OH was in drinking a few beers and playing pool with a couple of the regulars.

It was a good night, lots of laughter and I was looking forward to finishing and being with my OH.

Towards the end of the night I was heading to the toilet and my co worker informed me my OH was in the girls toilets. On going to check I found him in a cubicle with the two regulars. They were taking coke.

Naturally I was furious, told them to get out of the toilet and asked for my house key back from my OH. OH left and I had a massive row with one of the regulars. My boss was there but wasn't getting involved as he didn't see the point when they were on cocaine and would deal with it when they weren't.

My OH has been around this morning to collect his stuff and proceeded to make some sort of something. I don't even know what. Started off by saying what he had done was stupid. At this point I was thinking oh my god, for once this isn't going to be turned into my fault. Then ruined it with a you might think you are perfect comment. Before he left I was a vindictive nasty cow because he told me I better not be telling everyone about Saturday and I said I'd tell whoever I wanted. Obviously I wouldn't actually tell everyone because I'm not five years old and it's actually really bloody embarrassing.

I could have considered maybe not finishing with him if he was genuinely sorry, but he's not.

I think I already know what mumsnetters will have to say about this and don't really need to ask.

No, I wouldn't forgive it, It would just be setting yourself up for a whole ongoing cycle of similar behaviour.

IMHO I could have considered maybe not finishing
the "maybe" here tells me that you actually wanted to confront him about perhaps something else as well but never had a courage or chance to do it

he thinks he was right to do whatever pleased him - you had different opinion

Turning your thread title around a little, why would you forgive someone who behaved this way? Even if he'd been apologetic, don't get involved with a drug-taker.

Taking coke would be a deal-breaker for me. I wouldn't bother to listen to any discussion whatsoever.

If this was me I'd have two issues.

Firstly, taking coke - no fucking no. Just no. I struggle with the fact that DH used to smoke weed years before we met. I've never done any illegal substances and wouldn't even know where to go to get anything. And yes, I'm horrifically judgy about those who do.

Secondly, my fault? Don't tell anyone? Fuck off, bellend.

"for once this isn't going to be turned into my fault"

I think it's worth ending it for that history alone, regardless of the drug use and his rudeness to you over it.

Would I forgive this?

No.

Or rather, it's not really my place to forgive others for what they choose to do in their lives. What is my place is to decide if I want that in my life, and the answer again is a resounding NO.

What clam says is EXCELLENT advice.

You don't need or want this in your life - drug taking at your place of work?

and then, 'your fault' and 'pls don't tell' - what an utter IDIOT

The fact he thinks it's ok what he did is shocking and expecting you to be ok about it, if he really cared so much about you and him then why act like that, he doesn't sound very trustworthy.

No chance.

No forgiveness and sounds like you are better off without a coke taking bell end in your life

"for once this isn't going to be turned into my fault" - You don't really need to ask us, do you? You know this relationship isn't working, and that he's not a good person to have in your life.

Good riddance to him.

As an aside I wouldn't be having massive rows with customers in the work place.

I would never forgive this.

Immature idiot. Drugs in toilet cubicles...really?

And then proceeds to tell you you're not perfect either?... ah he can sod off and grow up.

I find people on coke tiresome and irritating, and fundamentally flawed.

That alone is enough of a deal breaker.

Depends on your view as to why someone takes it. I don't have morality issues just arsehole-ishness issues.

Nope. I don't want to be associated with drugs. It'd be then end for me.

There is background but I'm not going to drip feed.

Pretty much confirms what I have been thinking anyhow. I can't believe how he manages to make you feel like you are being so unreasonable.

Ugh no, you do not need that in your life.

Puds yep same as me. I've taken them before in my life but these days I want absolutely nothing to do with them and I don't want a partner that takes them.

I have friends that are occasional users, they don't enjoy themselves anymore than I do and are £50 out of pocket for sniffing god knows what up their nostrils.

'I was thinking oh my god, for once this isn't going to be turned into my fault. Then ruined it with a you might think you are perfect comment. Before he left I was a vindictive nasty cow because he told me I better not be telling everyone about Saturday and I said I'd tell whoever I wanted.'

This speaks volumes.

ANYONE who does not take responsibility for his/her behaviour and blames it on others is a total loser who is definitely not worth any of your time.

Ever.

Dump, dump, dump!

Ah well. Waste of 18 months but I'll get over it. Thanks for the replies, says a lot the fact I even feel the need to check if I am being unreasonable about this!