Found out partner been taking drugs behind my back

[PeggaPip]

Posting here as too ashamed to tell anyone in RL, I mean, how did I not realise for nearly a year?!
Found out 'D'P had run up huge overdraft, took me nearly 2 weeks to get it out of him but finally confessed a few days ago he had spent it on cocaine, apparently he started nearly a year ago (when we were seperated) and stopped taking it about 2 months ago.
So far he is showing no real remorse,apart from saying he's ashamed of what he's done, so I can't even begin to start trying to think how I/we can try and move on from this. He's shown no real consideration of how heartbroken,betrayed and fucking furious I am. I can't beeline how appallingly selfish he has been and if I can ever trust him again.
Don't know where to go from here at all. Have spent all today in bed just feeling numb.
Could you forgive a partner who had done this? We have 2 young DCs.

Good for you! And stick to your guns if he comes grovelling now..quite likely if he is still using he will want to stay to afford his habit... Stay strong..tell people in RL right away, that will make it much easier to handle..

I'm worried that he's going to try and get money from you as he's in such debt and probably still needs his drugs. Please secure your finances Peppa.
Thinking of you and hoping you can stay strong.

Hello, I just wondered if anyone could offer any advice for me on here.

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 3 year old.

As usual the relationship started amazingly and I fell head over heels.

As soon as my daughter was born he changed and I discovered he was taking cocaine. We fought about it, I left on many occasions and after a year or so he stopped. I was desperate to make it work.

During this time I discovered that actually drugs had been a part of his whole life, he just hid it well at the start of our relationship. He also has 2 boys from a previous.

5 months ago, he got angry as he does at times (never violent) and once again he told me to get out his house. So here I am at my mums AGAIN. He’s been desperate to make it work and have us back and whilst we’ve seen each other a lot in the week. I’m so unsure on what to do and so I haven’t returned to the House to live again.

During this break it’s come to light that he’s drinking a lot and has been using drugs again! Says it’s because he’s lonely and I’ve not been there. On top of this I’ve found out that he’s had escorts arrive at the house in the middle of the night. Swears he hasn’t done anything he’s just needed someone to talk too!

I don’t know why I don’t just have the strength the strength to completely walk away?

He’s an amazing dad and it breaks my heart for my 3 year old. She’s constantly asking to go home and gets upset when he leaves.

I’m so scared about the future and being a single parent! I would love to meet someone new and have more children etc also! I turned 30 this year...

What would you all do?! Please help as going insane!! Xxx

Is this for real? Drugs. Escorts (for someone to talk to?) . Having to stay and live at your mums when he gets "angry" and wants you out of "his house". A recipe for insanity. I think you have lost a sense of normalcy OP. Somehow you need to get a grip.

P.S. THIS IS A ZOMBIE THREAD. It would have been better if you had started your own.

This is one of the worst things I could be writing I'm ashamed, heartbroken. I been with my husband 19 years married for 1 have 4 children. I got a bit suspicious about 3 months ago he was take in cousin as he goes out alot and bothers with the boys that does it I confronted him after about 3 weeks of deny and lies he admitted he just tried it the once. I thought ok we all do try things in our life time he swore on our children's lives he hated it and it was 1st and last time. So Friday just gone he went out as normal and he txt asking is it ok for his freind to stay on sofa (I new this person for years) anyhow they came in and I waited for around 10 minutes and it was quiet downstairs so I snuck down. If I did the cheeky twats where doing cocaine in my kitchen! I have thrown him out he back with his mother I really don't know what the hell to do please help! 😢

Get rid. Living with a cokehead is hell on earth. It's his choice and his body, sure, but you don't have to put up with the bullshit, the risks, the financial damage - and you don't have to put up with the utter fucking tedium of spending time with a cokehead.

The PP who said cocaine is not addictive - it is highly addictive! FWIW I'd advise telling him you will not tolerate his drug use and will not stay with him unless he seeks help and engages with help. It's his responsibility to do this. He needs to see his GP, admit his drug use and ask for help quitting. If he won't do this, leave. Staying enables his addiction and gives him no incentive to quit. Don't listen if he tries to tell you that his using is your fault for leaving. It's not.

Oh. Just noticed this is a zombie thread. Oops

Hi not sure where to start !
I’ve just found out my husband has been snorting speed and drinking all the time Again ! I say again because he has done this in the past. 3 yrs ago ! We had a chat and he said he snorting speed cos he is over weight and needs a help in hand to losing weight?? He used to cycle but now won’t as it’s to cold !! He is drinking again because he is bored of this lockdown ! Now he goes to work everyday 7/17.30 Monday to Saturday !! I’m on furlough and really not going out the house ! I told him he can’t do that ! His response was why do I always interfere with his life? Why do I always make it about me ? It’s nothing to do with me ? I’m so desperately upset ! After our chat (he didn’t really say much apart from what I said) I went upstairs and cried for about 45 mins on my own ! (Didn’t want my adult kids to see or hear me) he then came up turned off the light and put himself to bed ! I asked if he wanted to talk for him to say no leave me alone ! Just don’t know what to do ! It seems like he confides in his female friend more than me ! Hate that he has one but !! I’ve asked him to move out and now today he is texting me like nothing happened ! He said he has more speed coming and tuff if I don’t like it ! Problem is I really can’t afford my home without him ! What will I do ☹️