Hi all,
I need support and advice on a very difficult situation. I found out in March that my Husband of 7 and a half years had been 'researching' prostitutes, brothels, punters net and all kinds of local seedy establishments.
He had also been on scout and other 'dating' websites using explicit talk and pics etc. This come as a total shock as I never had any reason to doubt him previously. After the initial shock and brief separation, be reconciled. It was difficult but after he ran away, started drinking, threatened suicide and got sectioned, I started to rebuild things - as he swore blind it was a curiousity and he never actually had physical contact with any other woman.
I was shocked at his confession (I had evidence of phone bills, texts and web history) so he did eventually have no choice to confess to this, but still maintained his innocence.
We struggled on but obviously this had a huge effect on me mentally, my self esteem, trust and our sex life.
My Mum never believed him and has always had suspicions about his secret life. For example, 10 minutes after calling a local brothel he withdrew £40 (the going rate) at the ATM 5 minutes walk away...
Anyway, he recently went missing again after discovering he has a 17 year old son that his brother always believed was his. I supported him through this (after all it was before I met him) But he pulled out a large sum of money and went missing threatening suicide etc.
He came home and told the mental health team that he does not want to be a burden to me any more and that he stopped the phone call etc in April.
My Mum asked me to consider the possibility that he had used this opportunity to pay for sex and check out his story.
To cut a long saga short, after going into his tablet, and his temporary phone (used for three months until contract changed) I found more web searches, including maps of brothels in Liverpool where he had to wait for four hours for an emergency passport. Prostitute reviews, porn, sites etc. But more disturbingly actual proof...
He went to blackpool on a jolly in September. I found phone number logs the day before and during the Fri /Sat he was there. I called these numbers and they are working girls. Finally three texts with a door tap code/ room and bed no. I distinctly remember him calling me that evening and saying he was leaving the boys out drinking as he had had enough and was calling it a night.
I confronted him, he denied three times and when I told him just said he was leaving. I had a total mental health episode, hit him over the head splitting it open. I then (according to my Son (17) screamed like a lunatic trashing the living room until I remember the police and paramedic taking me away for mental assessment.
I have had a breakdown and do not know what to do....
I had a wonderful life before all of this happened, or I thought I did. Clearly he would rather carry on his secret life than seek help and make a choice to stop.
What should I do, he left now, my son is nearly grown up, but he has had to witness my breakdown. I have crisis team coming round every day, but have been signed off work. I am nearly 44, I feel very alone and scared of what I am capable of. Has anyone else (I really hope not) had to endure this blow to their life and come through sane?
Thanks x