What you are asking for is help to save your relationship, not for people just to say 'give up'
To be honest what you have written does sound horrendous. However, here goes.
First check with your GP that you are not depressed. If you are, sort that out first. Any talk of Self-Harming is scary.
Sit down and have a hard look at yourself and your DP and decide is your relationship worth saving?
If the answer is yes, then remember it is going to be HARD WORK. And accept that it will be.
Secondly give your self a time scale to do something about the situation, say six months.
You CAN do something about your physical appearance . If you don't like being a size 14 , then diet and ask someone who you trust to look at your clothing. Do anything necessary that makes you look and feel better about yourself. They say a change is as good as rest and I think it is true.
Stop being horrible to your husband. Every time you feel like giving him a slap across the face with nasty words, think about the effect you are having on yourself. Take some deep breaths and stop.
Resolve to react to any mean actions or words from him with NO reaction.
Make a list of his good points ( he must have some) and concentrate on them. After all you loved this man once, so you must have seen something in him.
YOU don't like being hurt with words and neither does he. And being verbally abused is not usually used as sexual foreplay. It puts most people off.
Do something nice and kind for him every day from now on. Make him toast or something, etc. and do something kind for yourself. One treat a day to reward yourself for being you.
MNetters are going to say, about what I have written, what is he going to do?
My reply is that you can only change yourself. Start with yourself first.
I think you have got yourselves into a bad place and now you need to get yourself out of it , before you tackle your relationship woes.
It is difficult to be horrible to someone who is being nice. It is also good to be around someone who is happy.
When I am in the kitchen I put on my fav CDs and sing along whilst I am cooking.So do something that cheers you up and makes you laugh. You must have fav music. If you have, listen to it, instead of giving him a mouthful.
Go and do something silly together such as Go-Carting or find an interesting film. I saw Gone Girl recently and enjoyed it. Hold his hand in the cinema or walking along. Smile at him instead of glaring.
To help you, I suggest you go on a Mindfulness course. They are worth every penny. You can download meditation instructions from the web, but attending a course is better. The philosophy helps you think about what you are doing. It will also help you to relax.
Fury and anger have a bodily reaction. Your body feels mad and it is not good for your heart or blood pressure. You owe it to yourself to remain calm and as your mind controls your body, you can do it.
Your DP is going to be a bit staggered at first by your being so nice. Let's hope he responds in kind and you can start rebuilding some trust towards one another.
It took awhile to get into the state your relationship is in so don't expect miracles over night. There is a lot of hurt to undo.
Best of luck xx