to as you for a virtual slap?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I am sat here crying and feeling like shit because of my Ex….again.

We are 'friends', 'friends' in that he rings me to do stuff/hang out etc…until he finds someone better to hang out with and I get ditched. This has happened a few times since we split a couple of years ago, and every time I end up feeling shit.

He now has a new friend. Lets call her A. Him and A have been hanging out 3+ times a week for the past couple of weeks. Prior to that we were hanging out more than this as I was helping him through a rough patch. Now that A is on the scene I have been ditched again.

We had plans for tonight, but he has blown it off to spend time with her.

I know feel shitty. Again. Crying. Again.

How do I stop this? How do I stop what he does effecting how I feel?

Please give me a virtual shake

Thank you Vital you are so kind

I thought I could fix this myself, but I can't get better when I still behave like his loyal servant! I'm an educated woman FGS! Its ridiculous.

Comito is right. It is him not you.
He is using you as an ego boost.
You are worth much more.

I think thats the only real use to him. He knows that no matter what happens or how badly he treats me, I will always come back and on occasion grovel for his friendship

I NEED to walk away. I need to teach him that this is not OK and that I will not put up with being treated like a sub standard human being.

He actually sounds abusive if he called you stupid all the time. :(

Which explains why he can make you feel so down.

You should really try to detach as much as possible from him and just remain polite for the DC.
There's no way you can or should remain friends with abusers.

Have you considered doing the Freedom Programme?

He was Lweji physically and mentally.

I have considered it but there was something about bringing the person with you?? And he would just laugh at me

puds

I don't know you, but from what the others say and how you are saying things you're absolutely not stupid, nor is it your fault. It sounds like you might be used to this behavior from your comment about your mum? If so then it's really difficult to break from it.

It's worth finding a decent psychologist if you can, to help talk you through some of the stuff. From my personal experience (not exactly the same thing though) it's a long road, but one of the main things to try and do is not blame yourself too much, or focus on the mistakes you've done and keep doing. The problem is that it makes you feel even worse, and so often it results in a subconcious way of escaping the pain by shutting off/ trying to distract yourself. And for some strange reason this often is done by doing the thing that made you feel bad about yourself.

It's not the same situation, but understand you will probably make mistakes again, but aim at the long term and don't switch the concentration onto the setbacks as much. Focus on the stuff you're good at and that has been improving, but accepting it won't be a perfect ride getting there.

Probably there are a lot of others who can be a lot better in replying, but hope it helps a bit,

Not at all.
You can do an online version, but the Freedom Programme is about getting free from abusers, not bringing them along with you.
Check it out

Thank you Snow and Rioux very wise words

Lweji I shall have a look into that, thank you for the link.

Well it has transpired today that him and A are considering a relationship. I didn't take it very well and explained why. Basically that I felt he had affected my chances of a relationship due to his treatment of me.

He said he cannot be blamed for me being mental. So that clears that up. He doesn't accept any blame or responsibility for what he did, and doesn't even think about it whereas I have to live with it every day

I've told him its best that we don't spend time together and wished him luck with A.

I'm crying again, but I feel as though I might now be able to move on. I had wanted for so long for him to just apologise for what he did and now I know that is never going to happen I think I can move past it.

Would have been nice if this massive blow up hadn't happened on my birthday, but hey, things can only get better right?

Happy birthday. Hopefully you got the best present at this stage, which is for him to disappear from your life.

They are not considering a relationship. They are in one. If she exists. Personally, I wouldn't trust anything out of his mouth and I wouldn't bother with anything he says.
Just make sure to keep your distance and don't reply to any comments about his personal life or answer about yours.
Just the dc.

He isn't and could never be your friend and he's bad news for you.

Thank you Rioux and Lweji He is bad news. I have tried contacting him about DD and he won't respond or answer my calls so that just shows how much of a twat he is. Onwards and upwards!

Thank you Rioux

So today I have decided to be proactive! I have arranged to see a friend tomorrow and then to go to dinner with another friend next week. Getting my actual friends back into the loop so I don't feel like I need to spend time with him.

I am repeating to myself daily that he doesn't want me, we are not compatible, but that is ok. I am telling myself that I will be better without his poison, and am embarking on a new eating and exercise plan in order to boost by confidence in myself. I think being able to eat properly something i really struggle with will demonstrate to myself that I can achieve anything I set my mind too.

I am also going to get in touch with the local buddhist monastery and see about some meditation and life sessions with them. I hope that this plus the freedom program will really help me move on and regain some aspects of the old, confident me.

I am repeating to myself daily that he doesn't want me

How about you repeat to yourself that YOU don't want him?

That, my dear, is an excellent suggestion!

To be honest this happens with most friendships when one party starts seeing someone. Even if he wasn't your ex but your best friend you would see him less when he starts a new relationship. I think you need to be honest with yourself as to whether you were hoping for it to be more than friends. If you were then you need to not be friends with him as he is not on the same page.

You're completely correct Need I have also recently lost my best friend (male) to a girlfriend. Maybe this is what trigger such a strong reaction to my Ex having a new 'friend'.

I have been honest with myself over the past few days, and realised I had been holding onto the hope we would get back together. Not necessarily because I wanted to be with as said before he is an abusive wander but more because I miss the family unit.

He has spelled out quite clearly that this is never going to happen and that we did not work as a couple. This is very true, and deep down I know it. He did say that he wants to be friends, but I have said that I cannot continue with the 'friendship' as it is all on his terms and to his personal convenience. I think he feels like I will always be hanging around incase he needs me, but I am not going to. I need to start respecting myself more and not living off the morsels have throws me.

Plus there is no way he treats his other friends the way he does me. Says it all really!