AAGH! Why did i press send?

stickydate65 · 2014-11-20T23:09:47+00:00

Feeling so low at the moment. Having a major crying fit, (H left for OW 2 months ago) all triggered by walking behind a lovely old couple in the street and feeling like that was what I thought I would have in old age! In my misery I texted him telling how heartbroken I am. Now I wish I hadn't pressed send! Why was I so stupid? I know he won't reply or even care and I will have just pissed him off! Why can' t I be strong and dignified?

WorkingGirlJem · 20/11/2014 23:12

Oh bless you
We've all done it, if that's any consolation.
Forget it now x

handfulofcottonbuds · 20/11/2014 23:16

It's only been 2 months, try not to give yourself a hard time. 2 months is no time at all.

I think in your position, most of us have sent a text / email and then regretted it because it has broken our dignified silence and coping mechanisms.

Please don't be hard on yourself. If you ever feel like that again, come on here and write it down or text a friend instead.

It's okay to still cry too, it is a grieving process and there are so many reminders about in everyday life. It hurts but it does get better a little each day

WellWhoKnew · 20/11/2014 23:16

You are allowed to feel very sorry for yourself and have moments of madness.

Quite frankly if it pisses him off so be it.

But be nice to yourself. It is ONLY two months and no one expects you to go 'ho hum' about him leaving.

Lovingfreedom · 20/11/2014 23:19

There's no shame in being upset about what's happened. Texting your ex is prob not the smartest thing you could have done but really, what additional harm has this one message caused you? He must already have realised you would be upset. Don't worry...don't make a habit of it though. Put your phone to one side and Why not start writing things you would 'like' to say to him instead in a notebook he will never see. It's cathartic.

emmalouise1091 · 20/11/2014 23:21

Most people do this at least once. Myself I did it a fair few times. Don't worry about it, next time you get the urge you will be stronger.

Innocentbystander01 · 20/11/2014 23:23

There is an old saying " new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings"
You will be fine the message doesn't matter,take baby steps and take care of yourself. The old couple you don't know if that was their second or third marriage or even if they met online dating a month ago!
He's a nobber you will thrive and be happy again I promise xx

handfulofcottonbuds · 20/11/2014 23:24

It helps a little if you change his name on your phone to something more suitable, like a.hole or similar. When you go to send a message, the new name can prompt you not to.

dorasee · 20/11/2014 23:24

I doubt so much it will piss him off. He may not respond, but believe me, he will be struggling with grief and guilt. He may remarry the OW and truly move on, but he will never ever erase you or the years and memories you built together. You don't just delete the past or the love you once shared. The heart isn't cold. Please don't feel embarrassed about sending that text. Mourn, grieve, do what you have to do. You will get through this and come out the other side. Just be kind to yourself.

Original poster

stickydate65 · 20/11/2014 23:25

It's not the first time I have sent him texts like this, although I haven't done it for several weeks, the first time he replied telling me not to dwell on what had happened (bastard!) the other times (twice I think) he has just ignored me. When I get so desperate like this I feel I need him to know how I am feeling, like I think he'll care....which is stupid because obviously he doesn't care! writing it down in a notebook is a good idea! I just feel so lonely and sad.

OP posts:

Clairej81 · 20/11/2014 23:28

Try not to be to hard on yourself, I m sure you will get stronger with time.

It's not easy and no one gives lessons on how to cope with something like this, just take each day as it comes and you will get through it.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 20/11/2014 23:32

:(. It's hard x

There aren't many of us who haven't done similar, I know I have.

He's a wankbadger though, try not to do it again, come and talk to us first next time you feel like that.

WellWhoKnew · 20/11/2014 23:57

It is really, really hard. It is natural to feel lonely and sad. But you won't feel like this forever. But you do need to grieve.

I have lost count of how many times I have said "STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD" to myself.

That is the only thing I was strong about in the early months (well sort of...), it will get easier in time. Just try and focus on your wellbeing.

I read Survive and Detach, which had a good influence on me so I will recommend that.

Hobbitwife001 · 21/11/2014 00:16

I changed his name on my phone to knobhead, and that always gave me a bit of a chuckle when he rung or txt, it reminded me what a tosser he was. Still hurts though so take care of yourself honey, x

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/11/2014 01:16

I'm no expert but you sent that message to your husband because you love and want him back. Your heart has been broken. It's no shame to admit you feel sad.
When you took your vows you never signed up for the fact that one day he might leave you.
Why can't you be strong and dignified you ask because you are going through a process, where anger and tears can be your friend and don't be afraid to break down crying and be angry. Hey you've every right to be, but you wont always feel like this.
One day you will meet someone else who you can trust and I know it probably seem like it will never happen, you don't want anyone else at the moment, but it will.
May I ask. Are you blessed with children. x

Fool4u · 21/11/2014 01:32

Don't be hard on yourself OP. It's only been 2 months & it's early days in the whole grieving process. I personally wish my so called smart phone was smart enough to recognise drunken or emotional texting.. Just a "do you really want to send this message??!!" warning would have saved me so many times

Original poster

stickydate65 · 21/11/2014 06:16

ilive Yes I am blessed with three wonderful children (21,19 and15) and they are my life. but they have their own lives too and sometimes I just feel so lonely.

Love the idea of a 'do you really want to send this message' button fool4u I could have done with that one last night!
After sleep (not much but enough to get me through today) I feel so mad at myself for sending him that text! I wanted him to feel my desperation! Today is a new day and I will survive it! Thank you for being there last night.

OP posts:

pinkbear82 · 21/11/2014 06:30

op, I'm 8 months down the line, yesterday ex and the ow went 'public' even tho I had known and actually, next week is two years since I first found out about the affair, it still hurt. I felt all kinds of emotions.
There have been, especially in the early days, lots of times I've said or txt things I wish I hadn't. I think know a huge part Is the fact that they apparently don't feel anything. I think they do, but have been living in a lie for so long, they continue lying to themselves and those around them.

If they feel they have everything, that they are happy and don't feel sad by the changes after a long relationship, they both deserve each other.

You deserve to be truly happy, which will come, it has mainly for me, but like yesterday there are blips. Don't beat yourself up, draw a line under the message and focus on something else today.

You are a million times better than them.

Sickoffrozen · 21/11/2014 07:41

Hi sticky

Don't he hard on yourself. Everyone has a moment like this.

What I would focus on going forward is the fact that your children are all becoming independent so you will have time to find the new you (and in time potentially a new partner to complete and enrich your life).

One thing you will have that many others in these positions (with young children) is time to find the new you.

Take up a hobby that you have always fancied, reinvent yourself, do something for you that you would never have dreamed of doing before, go to a place on your own and explore it. When I split, I booked a flight to Paris, booked myself into a lovely central hotel and thoroughly enjoyed my 3 days mooching around the sites and markets. It was very liberating and made me realise that I didn't need a man to make things happen.

My friend who I guess is a similar age to you from your children's ages and username, has just been through the same thing. She is 6 months on so a bit further but has just joined the local health centre and goes swimming twice a week, a salsa class which she absolutely loves (and is full of blokes too!) an has enrolled at college to do an evening course.

She has also jus started to date again and joined an online site and has been out with two blokes since the split, one of which was a widowed man who she said is lovely but no spark and the other who is divorced and has some potential.

Life is all about what you make it, shit happens in life and it's how you deal with it that defines your future. Don't waste too many more days crying over your ex, he isn't worth it. Start your new life now and take small steps to make it better! Show him that you don't need him and that you have a better life without him! There is no better feeling than that believe me!

gottafindaman4yagirl · 21/11/2014 07:58

OP, Be kind to yourself. Its better to grieve and feel the emotions.I split from my husband and first love a year ago and still get tearful or feel deeply sad at what should have been, what had been and the years invested lost. I have two DC so still see him a few times a week. I spent alot of nights crying, helps if you think of the bad bits and not holding on to the good times which you might want to play over in your head. Get busy and throw yourself into something to give you focus, but you will have wobbles and I wouldn't worry about text, so what I he gets angry.Your allowed to be angry and why hold back for him.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 21/11/2014 08:02

OP, Be kind to yourself. Its better to grieve and feel the emotions.I split from my husband and first love a year ago and still get tearful or feel deeply sad at what should have been, what had been and the years invested lost. I have two DC so still see him a few times a week. I spent alot of nights crying, helps if you think of the bad bits and not holding on to the good times which you might want to play over in your head. Get busy and throw yourself into something to give you focus, but you will have wobbles and I wouldn't worry about text, so what I he gets angry.Your allowed to be angry and why hold back for him.