His ex wife is being abusive

[BillieGin]

DP and I have been together for 6 months, we got together fairly soon after his split from his wife. He told his ex wife about me 2 months ago. She took the split pretty badly and would text him constantly for months.

She is now calling me all the names under the sun (slag, slapper etc) and saying that I'm turning him against her. She's doing this because she feels he didn't give it a decent amount of time before dating someone else.

They have a child so obviously need to keep contact.

I don't know why I feel so insecure about the whole thing but I do.

Completely agree with Nicki.

You've been together six months and are checking his phone

If you go in all guns blazing trying to lay down the law, you will lose the battle.

You and him are in a relatively new relationship.

Who cares if the woman is insulting you. How do you know anyway? It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle...

Just keep your nose out of your DP's dealings with her and THEIR child.

I think you need to ignore the name-calling texts, not send replies from his phone, and try to understand how she feels about the end of her marriage. They were married. They have a child together. If "taking it pretty badly" involves ranting to him via text, let her get on with it - and just ignore anything that isn't related to their child.

"He's refusing to defend me as robustly as I'd like..." - why does he need to defend you? He doesn't. He can completely ignore any mention of you. Defending you is just engaging with her about something unrelated to their child. Not necessary.

Reading this as an outsider, it sounds like you're his way of showing his ex that he's moved on - you could be anyone, just as long as he has that 'new woman' to make his point. Sorry, but that's how I see this from what you've said.

I don't know if I'd describe someone as a 'partner' after only knowing them 6 months. More like a boyfriend. It all sounds like a bit of a ball ache tbh, surely it should all be dating and sex and fun, not stress and baby mama drama. I'd find someone more fun if I were you.

The best way to deal with this behaviour is not to get dragged in to it. Not to go in all guns blazing and create a war with a chd in the middle.

At 6 months if I found you had been going through my phone and sending messages from it I would think long and hard and it would probably be the end of our relationship.

I have to agree that if this was me, I would be bringing this relationship to an end. It won't get better and frankly I couldn't be arsed with this level of hassle.

Hi Op,
"Been there, got the t-shirt..."
First let me recommend you read the stepparenting board, you will find lots of women you may soon identify with. And if that doesn't scare you off, let me tell you a bit about my own life.
I had also been divorced and lp for 8 yrs when I met dh. He had been separated for 2 yrs from his wife of 15 yrs, 2 dc, and his divorce had just been finalized. So you'd think enough time had passed for them to move on, too. No chance. Her harassment of him, incl of course the usual emotional blackmail of him not loving his dc, treating my ds better than them, blah blah, created incredible hurt and disappointment on my part as I always felt dh did not stick up for me at all. Why? Because she threatened to move to another country with the dc if he didn't do as she told him.
Things became a lot easier when she too found a partner and as they are looking pretty permanent, she seldom bothers us directly.
HOWEVER, the baton was passed on to the dd, who does not ever miss the chance to stress how her mum is her bff, who has become incredibly ingenious in extracting shitloads of money out of dh (I'm not mad on my account, I earn plenty for myself and ds) who in turn treats his ds rather shamefully in comparison.
And, let's not forget, his dd, nearly 18, still delights in showing contempt for me who has fed, clothed and cared for her when sick for over 5 yrs now.
Does dh ever pull her up on her rudeness? Again, no way. He has learned to suck it up.
I have detached sooo much from all of them I sometimes wonder if I have enough healthy love left to parent my own child and care for him as best I can.
Believe the other posters, please, when they say you deserve a better partner, someone who is free to love you and yours without the baggage.
Good luck

He was in an abusive relationship with this woman for years.

He's scared of losing his kids and that's probably why he stayed as long as he did.

Now people are suggesting he stands up to her

I'm sorry OP, I can't blame your partner for trying to minimise, it's what victims of abuse do.

I think it's down to you to ignore I'm afraid. If you can't and feel the need to pressurise your partner, you're adding to his woes and should discuss with him what he thinks should happen.

Did he leave her because he had already met you and even if you didn't start dating before he left, did he know that you would be waiting for him as soon as he left. If not, then that's probably how it looks to her and she hates you. As seen from here plenty of time, the ex will lay most blame on the OW. I can't see this having a. Happy ending tbh. She shouldn't be doing what she is, but if he won't take steps to stop her then I think it's going to carry on.