So, the divorce papers arrived (it took that for my DH to realise when I said divorce, what I actually meant was... divorce). I have posted before so I'll be brief and say he's been highly EA and mildly violent (which is still very intimidating). He grew up in an abusive and highly controlling pushy home.
He has admitted all and apparently it has taken divorce papers for him to realise how badly he's behaved, and how unhappy, scared and miserable I have been. Apparently being miserable, depressed, crying, etc. isn't telling enough --> not actually that unreasonable in my DH's case - I've met his parents and empathy is not an emotion they exhibit.
I am exhausted with the hours of pleading and all the don't do it for the children Monny, they won't want this. He's told me I am tearing the family apart, etc. when I should give him another chance because he's changed. I hold the future of our family in my hands. He's going to the doctor to find out about anger management, etc. One more incident and he promises to pack his bags and go...
This morning, my DD recited told me how Daddy had misbehaved, is going to change and was really sorry, missed me and wants me to forgive him... 
So that feels like she will now see me as the baddy for not forgiving him. How do I explain to her that's not cricket? She shouldn't be put in the middle like that!!
I am at a loss - how the hell do I deal with this man?