End of marriage? Mid life crisis?

[Persephone67]

I am new to this so apologies for errors. I have been with DH for 26 years, married for 20 with 2 teenage children we both adore. On the surface we appear to have a successful life, both professional people, nice house, kids doing well. Over past couple of years DH has started going out more and more with friends of his. Largely men without children. Initially he invited me along but going to clubs and gigs is not my thing so I was fine with him going without me. Increasingly he is out several times a week now. He is taking drugs more and is then useless the next day. He has signed on to dating sites and has had sex with at least 1 woman I know of. I feel his behaviour is becoming unreasonable and don't think I love him any more. He thinks I am over reacting and promises to change, but does nothing about it. Neither of us wants to hurt the kids but we are now in separate rooms and the future looks bleak. Just not sure where to go from here.

What. The. Actual. Fuck!

Your husband has done a real number on you hasn't he. His behaviour is not becoming unreasonable. He's shagged at least one woman and is on a dating site. Tell him to fuck off and enjoy his midlife crisis on his own.

Your children deserve better. Your relationship will be the standard on which their future relationships will be measured. You're setting a pretty low bar by staying with your DH. Show them that everyone deserves to be loved and respected by loving and respecting yourself.

Sorry that sounded really harsh, posted before I meant to.

You deserve to be treated better than this man is treating you.

Jesus Christ! A mid - life crisis (if there even is such a thing) would be buying a motorbike or starting to wear a wig.

Doing drugs and shagging around if you're over the age of 30 and married is symptomatic of nothing other than just being a massive knob.

Tell him to fuck off and move out. It'll be far more damaging for your kids for you to carry on with this utter facade of a relationship.

As someone whose parents separated the very minute I left home, I can assure you that waiting doesn't protect kids from the pain of separation one bit. In fact, it is in some ways the very worse time to do it, as they need stability when they leave home and spread their wings- and stability is far more likely to come from a happy single parent family than from miserable parents who are living a lie and fall apart as soon as you leave.

Personally speaking, it left me preoccupied with my childhood and my parents' issues at a time when I should have been thinking only of myself and my new life.

Plus, he has actually had sex with someone else. You need to end this now. Waiting five years will not help anyone.

You can't let him treat you with such total lack of respect and further erode your self esteem for 5 more years. The break up is inevitable since he has no wish to rebuild your marriage, it won't be any easier for your children further down the line. In 5 years you could have put it all behind you and found someone who likes, respects and is faithful to you, or you could be just starting divorce proceedings after another five years of your life wasted on him.