Feeling Overwhelmed

[FiftyOwls2014]

Not sure where to start with this - but looking for some support from out there. Ideally someone who has been through similar. Current problems that I don't know where to go with. 1. Feeling seriously underemployed, after being made redundant I have tried to go freelance but this is proving a big challenge - working in the education sector the pay isn't good and often to complete projects you end up working so many hours you don't get paid for. Have taken a p.t. post for some regular income. I have applied for so many ft. posts in my field but have been unsuccessful - over qualified (too old!) and yet for other posts - not enough experience but those getting the posts don't have my experience. Also going through peri-meno symptoms which are very challenging. My partner has not been very understanding of this and we are having arguments. I don't know whether to retrain (too old at 50?). In the past I had no problems moving into new jobs and my skills seemed to be valued and transferable, but now - although I'm getting interviews (and have had good interview feedback) I'm not getting the jobs I feel are at my level. Added to all this I have an ex who still causes us a good deal of angst to my children. He now has 6 children by four different women , four marriages - but seems to breeze along getting new jobs and opportunities I feel very resentful of this. He presents a 'Father of the Year' 'New Man' face to the world and meanwhile he doesn't meet his financial responsibilities with us. Over the years he has done various things which I have had to involve a lawyer with. I haven't shared this info widely because I haven't received support for the behaviour he did to me around the split so why would I get support for current behaviour. (He got a woman pregnant whilst I was going through IVF) Very rarely do people comment or criticise (apart from my close family/friends) his behaviour over the years - they ask me if I've heard about his latest baby etc. very insensitive!! I feel like my education/experience/skills are counting for nothing and I feel unacknowledged with the way I have been treated. Has anyone out there experienced similar - how did you find a way through this? Have been for some counselling but it's expensive.

Have you seen your GP about the peri-menopause symptoms? If not, make an appointment now and see if this can be tackled as there is no reason for you to be living with unpleasant symptoms in this day and age.

Have you seen a careers counsellor? I know you mentioned that counselling is expensive, but a one-off session may give you some ideas for reviving your career and/or heading in a different direction. Is there something you'd much rather be doing?

As for your ex, he sounds like a complete tool. Are the CSA onto him? It sounds like what you really want is for everyone around you to be sympathetic about what he did to you, so have you told your nearest and dearest how deeply hurt and frustrated you still feel? If they're making such insensitive comments around you I think you need be honest with them and let them know how hurtful you find their flippant, gossipy remarks.

I'm late 50s and have had friends in a similar situation. You say nothing about your financial position, and that may make what I'm saying impossible in practice, but the solution in their case seems to have been to get out of the area you used to work in and start something totally new and totally different. There are re-training costs and, probably, an entry level job/self employment at far less than you used to earn, but what with the effort (and fun?) of learning new skills, they got through it.

Thank you to Tobyjugg and Jeanua for the replies.

Didn't realise there were so many women on here looking for help...and kind people bothering to help - thank you.

Job: I could retrain but it's a risk isn't it. So I have to pick something that I really enjoy in case it doesn't lead to career progression.

What makes me feel worse is my ex has a job working with vulnerable parents on parenting skills - what a joke! No one knows at his work how he treats his ex I'll bet ...is behind with maintenance payments but he can go off and get another women pregnant. It makes me mad even though I know this is wasted energy.

My close family and friends are supportive- my partner only sometimes. They all feel is behaviour is outrageous. Not sure if anyone has actually confronted him however or challenged him apart from me. My partner says - what do you expect - he's an idiot. I suppose the answer is that I expect to be treated better.

How are you job-hunting, registering with agencies may be better than time spent checking the Internet. I am sure you already 'network' as much as you can.

Sorry if you already know all this but I only recently heard there is something like the Princes Trust but for the 50+, encouraging setting up business?

www.princeofwales.gov.uk/the-prince-of-wales/the-princes-charities/the-princes-initiative-mature-enterprise-prime

www.prime.org.uk

Definitely ask your GP if there is something you can take to alleviate symptoms. It may be the peri-menopause, it could be fibroids or anaemia if you are tired and achey or moody and finding your libido is disappearing.

Btw, about your ex.

You presumably had to come to terms with being a single parent, cope with the breakdown of your marriage and perhaps loss of contact with his family, and the task of trying to get a fair settlement for you and the DCs. Hmmm, Father of the Year yet dodging payments?

I know child maintenance is subject to how many DCs your ex has and his income, but he should still pay it if your DCs by him are under 16 or in full-time, non-advanced education.

Having DCs with him means keeping in touch to some small degree. But other than that, block him. A friend of mine said if she wasn't in the smallest way part of her ex's messy infuriating life after they broke up, she'd feel judged by their mutual friends that he didn't consider her good enough to be humoured as a strictly platonic but trusted ex. Imo if they were good friends to her, they'd have understood why she was rejecting any conscience salving effort by that man to stay friends.

However much your ex seems to coast through life, it's a bit like 'perfection' on FB, it may seem he leads a charmed life, but he most likely bigs it up just to create an aura of invincibility. Do not let his apparent successes make you feel inadequate.