In my mid 20s, I fell victim to a vile narcissist who, in hindsight, fit the description perfectly, and our relationship followed the classic over-evaluation, devaluation, discard pattern. he absolutely destroyed me. Lesson learned. (or so I thought)
I dated casually for a couple of years afterwards, which was just what I needed. Then I met my husband. We met online (as friends - neither of us had any intention of a relationship with each other), met up in person after a few months of chatting and fell in love almost immediately. Things moved fast - we were really loved up within weeks and he moved in with me after 3 or 4 months. we were married within a year of our first date and have now been married for 8 years.
I'd always sworn that I would never ever get into a relationship so fast again after my experience with the narcissist, but it felt very different with my husband. He never pretended to like the same things that I did or have the same opinions as me to con me into thinking he was my soul mate. He complimented me, but I think it was normal for the start of a relationship - not the over-flattery of a narcissist. Over the past 8 years he has stayed more or less the man that I met. I mean, he can be a right grumpy git and prone to sulking, but he's aware of this and jokes about it with me and is quite self aware and apologises when he realises that he's being a pain. He's a great dad and generally a good husband, albeit a bit of a workaholic.
The only causes for concern I've had about him are that a) he tends to think about his own needs more than other peoples. This, I would say, is down to his own father, who is an incredibly cold and detached man, and my husband is very warm and cuddly and thoughtful compared to him. b) We have had disagreements about money, in that I have been a SAHM and while I wasn't working, he refused to give me any money of my own, reasoning that he paid all the bills and mortgage, so I shouldn't need any. We argued about this many times and even though he was clearly unreasonable and in the wrong, he never relented about it. Again, this is down to his father, who never allowed his mum access to any money at all - he argues that it's normal for him. (In retrospect, his father is a right nasty bastard, isn't he?) However, other than that, he is really really great - lots of fun, affectionate, still my best friend, a good dad, someone I feel very safe with and have never ever been scared of.
I still wonder though...is a fast moving relationship at the beginning always a red flag for trouble, or do the other signs have to be there too? I occasionally think about it too much and fear that I might have married a crazy person who will suddenly change and show his true colours like my ex did. Rationally, I think I've seen the worst of him already and that if he hasn't turned into a monster in 8 years, I doubt he ever will. What do you think?