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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Green Flags

69 replies

Catzeyess · 15/11/2014 18:52

Just had a green flag moment with my DH and wanted to share (and to hear some of yours!)

I have just been to the supermarket and managed to really stupidly scratch the car - we don't have much cash to fix it at the moment and I feel awful/embarrassed. Growing up my dad would have gone apeshit at me if I had done that and so (completely irrationally as my DH is lovely) I was worried DH would be angry. Instead I get home and tell him and he asked me if I was ok, checked the car, gave me a massive hug, said don't worry he reckons it will buff out. Then he made me a cup of tea told me to sit and chill while he unpacks all the shopping and is now making dinner.

Anyone else got any lovely green flag stories for a damp sat evening?

OP posts:

middlethird · 17/11/2014 13:45

My DH wakes me every morning with a cup of tea. Without fail. It doesn't matter if we've had a row or gone to bed with the hump. I come in every night to a clean home. Bed made the lot...

He has moments of magic. I should remember these when he pisses me off!

Great thread OP.

Original poster

Catzeyess · 17/11/2014 17:44

Awww Kikishack bless him!

OP posts:

DollStar · 17/11/2014 17:55

I wanna nice man!

BananaRaces · 17/11/2014 18:19

My DH is a bit rubbish with cooking and housework tbh. But he is an absolute gem in other areas.

He comes with me to see my (much-loved but very aged) grandparents once every month or so, talks to my Granddad about engineering and trains for hours. Never complains once about going and tells me how amazing he thinks they are.

He drives most of the time when we go somewhere, because he knows I am a bit of a nervous driver. I don't even have to ask. I only drive if he is tired or wants a drink.

He has been working like an absolute trooper on our house (which needs a lot of work) for the last 2 years, pretty much every weekend. He has a very stressful job with long hours but he still works hard for us every weekend (I do too, but my job is much less stressful and tiring than his). He also took the time to set up the cupboards in the hallway exactly how I wanted them - working out the shelving so that I can reach them all from my (rather short) height.

There are LOADS of other things, but these are the first that came to mind. What a fab thread.

pregnantpause · 17/11/2014 19:27

When dh and I argue, he apologises if he is wrong. If ab argument is unresolved when we go to bed, he cuddles and kisses me regardless- he can be angry with me/ disagree with me while loving me and expressing that love just as much as always. I value this, as in all of my previous experiences of relationships have generally been a model of silent treatment, cold shoulder, and cruelty in arguments. I didn't know you could argue and still be loving at the same time.

RudePepper · 17/11/2014 20:22

My dad would probably have ranted, and my husband would have been lovely (was lovely actually, I did it the other day) though probably not missed too many opportunities to make little jokes about it for the next 30 years! It takes a lot to shift that expectation.

overslept · 17/11/2014 21:10

I really like this thread

I don't drive and my granddad recently took very very ill. My gran and granddad pretty much raised me and I've lived with them several times while being an adult for a few months. I call my gran almost every day. When I found out he was in the hospital my DP drove me all the way to my home town 200 miles away at midnight, stayed at my grandparents house with me for 4 days and then we came home.
The downstairs toilet at my grans has been broken for about 18 months and they have been using the upstairs one, my gran was worried about how much it would cost to repair, as it must be done because if my granddad returns home he won't be able to manage the stairs at all.
So DP said he would fix it, a part was broken in the back of the toilet and we went and got the part, seemed easy. Only the stop tap thing for the water was snapped off and was rusted open inside the pipe so we couldn't turn the water off to do it. DP drove back to wickes to buy pipe freezer, which is meant to cause an ice plug in the pipe while he quickly replaces the tap, but it didn't work at all. The stop tap thing was now leaking. My gran was looking worried. DP looked worried. We went out to the shed for a cigarette and he said "I can't leave your gran with this leak and the toilet still broken..."
Then like a legend he went out to the van, took out a metal bar from the back of it, walked out to the street and opened up the water mains in the road . Turned it off on the mains while he replaced the water turn off in the house. Then turned it back on then fixed the toilet.

He has insisted me never spend a night apart, no matter what. He says even if we ever bicker nobody is going to sleep on the sofa or spare room as it's the start of a downward spiral. I agree with him.

We parked up somewhere and there were 2 guys cleaning cars in the car park, had permission from council to be there, uniforms and trolley thing with cleaning stuff. It was pooring with rain and they looked miserable, probably only about 19/20 years old. DP paid them to clean our crappy transit because he felt sorry for them and said he hates it when people are trying to do something and they end up dejected. That they were standing in the cold and wet and everybody was ignoring them. We live up a dirt track in the woods so honestly there is no point cleaning the van . He's a kind soul.

Bought me a bag just because I liked it while shopping in a garden centre for a birthday gift for his mum.

This is all just this week

wallypops · 17/11/2014 23:10

My DP got to my house after work to be met with a very blocked septic tank. We all had supper then he spent until midnight unblocking it while I chatted to him sitting on the back step and topping and tailing green beans. Kindest man I've ever met. Nothing is ever too much trouble and he thinks I'm sexy.

LadyBlaBlah · 17/11/2014 23:58

After years of a hideous man, I have a bf who surprises me everyday.
He consistently and unwaveringly respects my time, my work, my desire to be independent, my body, my feelings, my wishes.

I feel peaceful and a tremendous sense of belonging when I'm with him (even though we don't live together).

He definitely 'adds' to my life.

LineRunner · 18/11/2014 01:36

OH stayed over recently when he had a bit of a cold so snored off and on and kept me awake. He made me stay in bed the next morning while he made me tea and cleaned the whole house. He knows I hate housework.

daisychain01 · 18/11/2014 03:59

DP is a keeper! He runs a bath for me, puts the electric blanket on when it's nearly bed time, buys a business check of purple flowers just because. He has let me talk through my tales of woe from work and always has useful nuggets of advice.

All seems guy small things but they add up to him being my Rock

I also love people's posts about their lovely DPs heart warming stuff!

daisychain01 · 18/11/2014 04:00

Buys me a bunch ...stupid phone

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/11/2014 05:38

When I used to have to work nights, DH (then DP) used to create the TerryCave (not my real name ). It was a space upstairs away from the noise and annoyances, appointed with earplugs, water, made up bed and everything I could need. It was lovely. I hated working nights and it made it tolerable.

And, he cleans the kitchen.

VeryThelma · 18/11/2014 06:15

My DH is lovely and thoughtful I once went to my mum's for a week with 2 very small DS and he decorated the house after work so when I got back it was all done it was a brilliant surprise
He is very thoughtful and always wants to know how my day was

jessplussomeonenew · 18/11/2014 08:29

I got a bit fed up once when he hadn't done what I felt was a fair share of the washing up - when I asked him he not only did it, well, without complaint, but apologised to me that I'd had to ask! Being able to have relaxed conversations about money feels really positive too.

Stupidhead · 18/11/2014 08:41

DP was exhausted yesterday at work why? Because he was up until 2am in the kitchen talking to my son (17) who wanted a chat.

Oh, and earlier this year he asked me to help 'lube the chain' (f'narr) on the motorbike. I had to stand and hold it even though I have arms like twiglets and its a 1400. I couldn't hold it and it keeled over in the garage. His pride and joy needed a new faring and mirror. He fucking LOVES that bike. He didn't say a word to me, just held me and made sure I was ok. Best of all he never mentions it and has never told his friends for the shit and giggles

I love that man.

Stupidhead · 18/11/2014 08:42

Oh and he lifts the duvet to waft his farts out

chasingtherainbow · 18/11/2014 08:42

My dh really Is a good egg. He doesn't always get it right, no one is perfect. . But for the whole I feel safe and loved always. There's lots of green flags I can think of.. but most recently he'd taken dd upstairs to put her in the bath while I rested up. I heard them laughing and then he said "right, now let me blow dry your hair and brush it so you don't get cold"

She's three. I went upstairs and she was sat on his lap in front of the mirror while her daddy really carefully brushed her hair. It was so sweet. I never had parents like that so It made my heart swell.

runningcross · 18/11/2014 10:26

DH is brilliant, he has been like a dad to my DD (whose bio dad has never met her nor paid maintenance). DD is keen on a hobby which she is really talented at but costs £££ and has longed for some equipment but I could never have afforded it as a single mum. She mentioned it again this week and DH has spent the weekend researching the technical details needed, explaining how we'd set it up, the cost of the various bits, without batting an eyelid at the final amount.

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